Page 2 of Freeze Frame

“Oh, bless you, Wally. That was a big sneeze,” Josh said, smiling at the way our dogs continued to wriggle and interact with each other.

“He does that a lot. I’m going to ask the vet about it during his checkup. But I’m sure it’s not contagious. He’s done it since I got him.”

“What do you think, Nitro? Do you want to hang out with Wally again?” The fact that Josh asked his dog was endearing as fuck. I didn’t normally look twice at younger people, but Josh held himself like someone who had seen some shit. It sounded corny, even to me, but his eyes were older than his obvious age,and they seemed to be scrutinizing my face. I’m not sure if he found what he was looking for, but he did smile at me again. “I think Nitro would like that.”

“Well, Wally is obviously on board.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I didn’t give my number out on a regular basis, and I felt rusty and clunky as I handed him my phone. “Text yourself and we can arrange a doggy play date. And hell, if you’re in a tight spot and need a dog sitter, I’d be happy to have him.”

“That’s really generous of you.”

He grabbed my phone from me, and I had to wonder why I was disappointed when his fingers didn’t brush against mine when he took it.

Clearly I needed to get out more. I’d keep that to myself, though. Jax would never let me live it down if I admitted that it wouldn’t kill me to go on a date some time. It had been a couple of years since my last attempt, but as far as Jax knew, it had been even longer than that. But there were some things a man couldn’t talk about with his kid, no matter how great and open-minded his kid was.

Being Jax’s dad had taught me a ton of shit about the world. I’d never planned on raising a queer kid, but when Jax came out to me I’d done everything I could think of to show him that he was loved and accepted. It started with educating myself on how times might’ve changed since I was a kid, experimenting with inquisitive friends. And some of their brothers.

After he’d come out to me, I’d come out to him. He asked why I hadn’t dated any men, and it was then that I had to admit I had, but on the down-low. Men I dated weren’t out because I wasn’t out. It didn’t seem fair to date people who were out and proud, when I was just trying to raise my kid and get through the teen years in one piece. Besides, some of the men I’d dated left much to be desired. Unlike Jax, who had great taste in men. He certainly didn’t get his taste from me. He must have founda couple of four-leaf clovers or something because the men I’d dated were… Well, let’s just say the dates didn’t go well.

It was probably an indication of how long I’d been single that I ached for even the slightest of contact, but I didn’t want to make shit weird. When he handed my phone back, I took it without giving in to the urge to brush my fingers against his.

The war I fought inside about touching someone’s hand had me wanting the earth to open up and swallow me whole. But I must have managed to hold it together outwardly because Josh didn’t seem to notice how fucking awkward I was being.

I’d been out of the dating scene for so long I was no longer sure if I was awkward because of that, or awkward because I was naturally not a smooth person. I was a quiet kind of guy who told bad jokes and who never saw a disaster movie he didn’t like. The cheesier and the more unrealistic the better. I wasn’t the kind of guy who went to dog parks and left with the number of a hot stranger in his phone.

Josh’s phone pinged, and he pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. “Sorry, I’m on a bit of a tight schedule today.” He bent down and scooped Nitro up into his arms and snapped a leash back on him. “But you’ll call me, right? About the dogs?”

The hope in Josh’s voice prompted me to do something I seldom did. I made him a promise.

“I will. I swear.”

Josh’s face lit up and my stomach did a flip-flop when he smiled at me. Nothing but pure sunshine came from his expression.

“I’m going to hold you to that, David,” he said, then glanced at the time again. “I really have to go.”

“Go. Don’t let me keep you.”

“I just can’t believe Nitro got to reunite with one of his friends. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.” Anotherphone alarm went off, and Josh took a step away. “Sorry. That’s my final warning.”

“We must obey our technological overlords.” I wanted to die. I wanted an asteroid to come barreling down through the atmosphere and strike me dead where I stood. That was, I did, and then Josh laughed, and I knew I’d make an ass of myself all over again to hear that sound.

Even after he’d gone, Wally and I stayed in the park for a while, and the sound of Josh’s laughter and the memory of him smiling at me prompted me to snap an incredibly cute picture of Wally—because my camera roll didn’t already have three thousand dog pictures by now—and send it to Josh with a note that saidNitro’s new best friend. Wally can’t wait to see him again.And if I was eager to see Josh again, I left that part out. There was no way someone young and hot like him would be interested in someone as old as I was. But a guy could dream.

TWO

JOSH

Good idea,adopting a dog. Bad idea, agreeing to drop him off at my sister’s doggy day care when I was working. Violet meant well, she always did, but the increased contact gave her increased time to drive me insane.

She means well. She means well. She means well.

That was the mantra that got me through the day. She was a few years older than me and had always taken her role as big sister seriously. In high school when I’d started to struggle with my identity, it was Violet who saw the change in me. It was Violet who silently kept track of my moods and had noticed that something was wrong with me.

It was Violet who, upon getting her driver’s license and her first car, insisted on taking me for a drive. I thought we were going to the mall, but instead Violet drove me to the lake and we sat on the shore. I asked her why we were there. She just looked at me and informed me that she didn’t know, but when I felt like telling her, she was ready to listen.

We went there every weekend for a month before I finally cracked.

I didn’t feel like a girl, and I didn’t know what to do about it. I had no trans friends. Hell, I had no gay friends. I was surrounded by kids who fit the mold and that made it all the more terrifying for me to think of breaking out of mine.

Violet looked at me and then flung her arms around me and squeezed me so tight I couldn’t breathe. She was my champion from that day on. She joined the local Pride chapter, drawing confusion from our parents who couldn’t understand why their heterosexual daughter wanted to be involved withthose people.