Page 9 of Freeze Frame

“Sorry, buddy. I know I’m a mess. You wouldn’t understand, though.” I wanted Josh to like me. I didn’t care that he was so much younger, and I tried not to care that I was so much older. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what he saw in me. And maybe he didn’tsee anything. Maybe we’d go out tonight and realize that any chemistry I thought I felt hadn’t really existed. At the very least, I hoped to keep him as a friend, if for no other reason than Wally.

And I could use a broader friend circle. Other than Marshall and Cyrus, who were both busy men, my friends list had whittled down to Jax. I hadn’t had to be an actual parent to Jax in years, and now he was more like my best friend. He’d always be my kid, though, and I needed friends I wasn’t related to. Call it social diversity.

“How do I look?” I asked Wally as the time for Josh’s arrival neared. I’d spent entirely too much time in the mirror getting ready for the date and still I felt woefully unprepared. There was nothing to be done about my salt and pepper hair, now saltier than last year. Or the fine lines that marred my face. Getting older was fucking odd. In my head, I was still twenty-five, but my body was evidence of reality.

A sharp knock on my door snapped me out of my whirlpool of thoughts and with zero chill, I strode over to the door and opened it up. So much for waiting a second or two so I could at least pretend I hadn’t been waiting by the door like some overeager puppy.

“Hey, you came.” I stepped aside so Josh could come in. Nitro danced past him, happy to greet his friend again.

Josh bent down and unclipped the leash from Nitro’s collar. “Of course I came.”

When he straightened up, he eyed me, and he let me see him do it. I watched the way his gaze raked over my body from head to toe and back again. “You look great.”

“So do you.” Josh was wearing a dark red button-up, the sleeves rolled up past his elbows to show off his forearms. Josh was well built, and he clearly spent a lot of time on his body. The reality of that made me feel a little uneasy about my current physical form.

“I think we’re good to go. We can check on them with the pet cam, but they should be fine. And if not, my neighbors can get over it.”

“Or we could just step outside and have a quick chat before we leave, and then we’ll know if they’re going to be okay.”

“Sure.” I patted my pockets to make sure I had my wallet and my keys before I followed Josh out of the house. My home was an older style house, the ones with the cozy, covered front porch, perfect for porch swings, rocking chairs, and drinking coffee while spying on your neighbors.

“Did you want to have a seat?” I asked, curious about what he could want to talk to me about. His mouth was tight and pressed into a flat line, and there was an obvious wariness in his expression. His eyes looked haunted.

Josh shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. It looked like he was gearing up to bolt.

“Look, I get it if you changed your mind and if you have, I won’t hold it against you. Maybe we could still get coffee in the dog park sometimes, for their sake.”

Josh looked up, alarm flashing in his eyes. “You don’t want to go out with me?”

“No, I do, but I figured you were about to drop the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line.”

“I wasn’t… not really. But there is something that I want you to know before this goes any further.”

“Okay, well, lay it on me.” Relief swelled up in me that he wasn’t calling off the date before it even got started. I was only marginally worried about what he had to tell me, and because I was shit at guessing games, I tried to keep my internal speculation to myself and just let him speak.

Josh took a deep breath like he was trying to inhale some courage. He rolled his shoulders back and then looked me in theeyes. “It’s always hard for me to decide when to tell someone this, and truthfully, most of the people I see already know it, so I’m out of practice.”

I waited silently, giving him space to collect his thoughts. Whatever he had to tell me was obviously important to him. Whatever he was keeping inside was responsible for the worry lines etched into his expression.

“I’m—” He paused and took a breath. When he spoke again, his voice was steady and firm, like he’d taught himself how to steel his nerves and face challenges head on. “I’m trans.”

I must have looked stupefied or something because Josh narrowed his eyes. “Do you know what that means?” he asked.

“In general, yes. I know there’s different…” I paused while searching for what I hoped would be a non-offensive thing to say. “Different flavors of trans people, so I’m not sure what exactly it means for you specifically, but you can share that with me if you’d like. And for the record, I’d still like to go have dinner with you, if that’s okay.”

Josh blinked at me. Clearly it was his turn to be bewildered.

“You don’t mind?”

“Should I? I don’t think it has a lot to do with me. You are who you are and right now, you’re the guy I want to take to dinner. And maybe wander an art gallery with. Maybe we’ll get ice cream. Who knows.”

Josh stood there as still as a statue. “That went better than I expected.”

Some of the worry bled out of him and the smile he shot me was bright enough to light up my insides.

“I imagine it’s a bit nerve-wracking to have to tell someone new about yourself.”

“It’s not always so well received.”