I hate that somewhere in life, I lost myself. And just when I was starting to feel like I’d found myself again, something popped up to remind me to question if it is what I need.
My heart saysyes, go get what you want, but the what-ifs stop me every single time.
What if it doesn’t work?
What if I hurt him?
What if he hurts me?
What if he does get bored?
What if I love him and it ends and causes this domino effect on our friends, and they suddenly feel the need to pick sides?
What can’t I just accept that I was happy?
I roll over on the bed in Nora’s guest room. I’ve been here for a few hours now. I wasn’t sure where else to go. I’m sure she’s eager with questions, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to answer them.
I let out a groan and cover my eyes with my arm.
I’m out of a place to live twice in the last few months.
Well, not exactly. Tobias would never kick me out, and that makes my heart hurt even more. How can he be so sure of us? Why can’t I feel that? What’s holding me back?
“Knock, knock,” Nora says, pushing the bedroom door open slowly. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
I sit up on the bed and sit cross-legged. She’s carrying a box in her hands.
“What’s in the box?” I ask as soon as the door shuts behind her.
“I don’t know yet. We’re going to look through it together.”
She drops the box to the bed and then sits, reaching in to pull out a polaroid camera.
I laugh and take it from her. “And to think these things are all the rage now.”
“I know. Simon used to tease me so much during college for using one. Oh, look at this.” Nora pulls out an old phone. The iPhones now are at least twice the size of the one in her hand.
“Can you imagine the pictures on that thing?”
Her eyes light up, and she starts to dig deeper into the box, looking for something.
“Yes!” she cheers, pulling out a charging cord and plugs it in. “We’re going to find out.”
While we wait for it to charge, one by one, we find random pictures or things from our college years. Me and her, old boyfriends, the boys with their first books, parties, and more.
“I don’t mean to be this dramatic, but is there a reason you chose to come in here with this box?”
She shakes her head. “Just good timing, I think.”
I roll my eyes as she hands me a picture of Tobias and the guys.
“What night was this?” I ask.
“I think it was Graham’s first book release.”
I look closer; it looks like Hero and Simon are barely holding him up.
