Page 62 of First in Line

I risk a glance at her. The sunset paints her skin gold, and her eyes almost look like amber. Being this close to her again makes my chest feel too tight.

“Do you mind if I smoke?” I ask, mostly because I need something to do with my hands.

“Go ahead.”

I take the silver casing out of my back pocket and pull out the only cigarette in it.

“You’ll have to refill,” she says with nonchalance.

“It’s my weekly cigarette, actually,” I explain as I light it.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I only allow myself one per week during the season. One per day on my months off.” The wind is in the right direction, blowing the smoke away from her, which is why I’m indulging.

“Why do you smoke at all?” she wonders, gaze forward.

“I don’t know. It soothes me. And with the rigorous life I lead, I feel like I’m allowed one indulgence.”

“Does your team know?”

“They probably suspect it, but they haven’t said anything. As long as it doesn’t affect my performance, they don’t have to worry about it.”

“So, it’s our naughty little secret?”

“One of them, yes,” I reply with a sly grin.

She nods and doesn’t say more. So we both focus on the sun again.

For as long as I can remember, we’ve been comfortable with silences. We don’t necessarily need to talk when we’re together, and I appreciate that. We find comfort even in moments like this, just being side by side.

But this feels loaded, as if the weight of everything we haven’t said and everything we wish we could say permeates the air.

The only way I can think of to break the tension is to mindlessly ask, “Would you rather never see a sunset again, or a sunrise?”

“That one’s too easy. No one cares that much about sunrises, Jax.”

“Sorry, but when I give you hard ones, you offer me blowjobs to get out of it. I don’t want to put you in that position again.”

She chuckles and pushes against me with her hip, making me slip and readjust.

“Did you ever find your answer for the dessert one?” I wonder.

“No, it’s still a trick question. And I got a free pass back then, so let’s move on.”

“Okay, okay. Would you rather… have to work every single day for the rest of your life, no days off, no holidays, or never get to work another day in your life?”

“Ugh, you really have a knack for the hard ones. I love my job, so I’d be sad if I couldn’t keep doing it. But every single day? My clients would drive me nuts.”

“So? What are you choosing?”

“Never work again,” she decides with a wince. “I’d find myself one hell of a hobby to make up for it.”

“Good answer.” I’m finished with my cigarette, so I make sure it’s done burning before slipping it into the empty case and returning it to my pocket. “Your turn.”

“Would you rather win all the remaining Grand Prix trophies this season, or end world hunger?”

I laugh like I haven’t in a while, like only she can make me laugh. “You little…”