Page 20 of Making It Live!

"If he'd looked, it would mean he was processing.Not looking means Nelson is loading a weapon."

I closed my eyes."That's a very dramatic way to put it."

"This is a very dramatic situation, Jimmy."

She wasn't wrong.I pressed the heel of my hand against my forehead and tried to think clearly, which was difficult because my brain kept replaying the moment on Monitor Three — Nelson's fingers curling around the desk, the only crack in an hour of flawless performance.My voice in his ear had triggered that.

Thirteen years ago, my voice used to make him smile.

"What happens tomorrow?"Jillian asked.

"I don't know.Bruce didn't want to introduce me until tomorrow, but Nelson knows someone new is in the chair, and he isn't going to wait for a formal introduction.He'll have somebody digging up my information before he's out of hair and makeup."

"By morning he'll know everything," Jillian sighed.

We both sat with that a moment.Everything meant the Peabody, and the stories I was proud of.But everything also meant the kid he'd shared a bed with all those years ago.

There would be no ambiguity.There would only be Nelson Mackenzie, fully informed and furious, and me, in the EP chair I'd held for less than twenty-four hours, trying to hold my ground.

"Jimmy?"Jillian's voice softened."Are you nervous about seeing Nelson again?Like, face to face?"

I opened my eyes and looked at the glass wall.On the other side was the studio — dark now, empty, the anchor desk sitting under switched-off lights like an altar after the congregation has gone home.Nelson had sat there for an hour while I'd been twenty feet away.

Twenty feet and thirteen years.

"He looked incredible, Jillian," I said, and I hated how my voice sounded saying it.Small.Honest.Nothing like the voice I'd used in the earpiece."Nelson looked like he'd become everything I was afraid he'd become, and it was—" I swallowed."It was magnificent.He was magnificent."

Jillian was quiet for a moment.Then: "Oh boy."

"What?"

"You still think he's hot."

"I — that is not what I said."

"You said he was magnificent.And incredible.You also said he was everything you were afraid of, and it sounded like you wanted to climb him like a tree."

"Jillian!"

"I'm just reporting what I heard," she giggled.

"I'm recognizing that Nelson is exceptionally good at his job.That's it.End of observation."

"Mm-hmm."She did not sound convinced."So you're not nervous."

"I didn't say that."

"Do you think he's going to make your life hell?"

"I think he's going to try."A little throb started up in my temple and I rubbed it with my free hand.

"And?"

"And I didn't survive multiple war zones to be intimidated by a man in a designer blazer."Even as I said it, I knew it was bravado.Jillian knew it too.

"Jillian, I have to go," I said."I need to prep the lineup for tomorrow.If Nelson's going to come after me, I'd rather he find me ready."

"Call me tomorrow."