The casual but form-fitting white long-sleeved T-shirt did what it always did. The muscles in his biceps protruded, making his arms look similar to the rolling hills of Tennessee. And that slutty little gold chain dangling against his chest had me in a chokehold.
He wore a similar trucker hat from the first night we met. It had the same unfamiliar logo patched on the front, but instead of black, this one was a hunter green, the color making his brown hair pop as it flowed out from underneath.
I was eager to find his eyes, but also a little hesitant. Afraid that the depth of his gaze might be enough to give away my poker face. They always say the eyes are a window to the soul, but in this case, his eyes weren’t just a window, they were a door. One I wanted to walk right through.
“Earth to Scar!” Maggie’s voice chimed in my ear. “A whiskey grenadine for the woman of the hour.”
“Hilarious,” I said, nonchalantly turning my attention back to her while keeping Stetson in view behind her. “But thank you.”
“May I ask what you were so intently looking at?” Her eyes glistened as she pulled her glass to her lips, trying to hide the smirk she was wearing.
“I wasn’t looking at anything. I was just scoping out the room, seeing who all was here tonight.”
She scrunched her face, squinting her eyes in my direction.
“What?” I asked defensively.
“You’re a horrible liar.”
“I am not.”
Maggie spun her barstool around until she was looking right at Stetson, then twisted back to look at me, an expression of conviction painted confidently on her face.
“Oh my god. Fine. I was curious to see if he was here. That’s all.” In an attempt to preserve my dignity, I kept going. “I haven’t seen him since we talked at Rolling Meadows, and I just thought that maybe he decided not to stay in town after all.”
“Would that have disappointed you?” she asked. “If he decided not to stay?”
My mind wanted my mouth to say no, but the sinking feeling in my stomach said otherwise.
“No,” I said, trying to be convincing but failing miserably.
“Remember what I said earlier? You’re ahorribleliar,” she emphasized.
I brought the orangish liquid to my lips in an attempt to buy myself some time, but I couldn’t help letting out a nervous giggle.
“Who am I? Never would I have acted like this with Zane. I’m not allowed to be worried about the whereabouts of some guy, especially some guy like him.” I shifted my eyes toward Stetson. “I need to focus on myself and my career before getting involved in anything. I was literally walking down the aisle like nine months ago. And honestly, it’s a little embarrassing to be assuming that a man like him would have any interest in someone like me when he could quite literally snag any person he wanted, especially in this bar.” That last thought had a pool of jealously puddling in my chest. “My god. I’ve lost control of my own thoughts.”
“Or maybe you’ve finally just released control and stopped forcing yourself down a path that fits a mold to try to prove a point.” She sipped her drink. “And have you ever thought that maybe there’s a reason Zane never made you feel this way?” Her eyebrows perked up from behind her glass.
“Wow. All right, why don’t you tell me how you really feel…” I responded, taken aback by the bluntness of her comment.
“I’m sorry, Scar. It’s just I can’t sit here and let you sabotage the rest of your life because things haven’t gone as planned. I love you so much and I want you to be happy. Over the course of the last few months, I’ve started to see a Scarlett I haven’t seen since before Zane, and I don’t want you to lose that version of yourself while you’re busy punishing yourself for shit you can’t change.”
I stood silently.
“It’s not that easy, Maggie. If I could get over everything and move on, don’t you think I would’ve done that a long time ago?” I asked, a little annoyed at this point.
We weren’t talking about Zane or the wedding anymore; we were talking about a much bigger heartbreak.
“You can’t move on when you’re standing still.”
“That’s not fair. I tried to move on. What do you think I was doing with Zane?”
She cocked her head to the side. “You know better than anyone that life isn’t fair, and you also know that what you were doing with Zane wasn’t moving on.”
I squeezed my eyebrows together, silently asking for an explanation.
“That was you trying to check the boxes because you thought if you settled for something less than you deserved, then maybe in some weird way you’d find the forgiveness you’ve been chasing for thirteen years.”
