I dropped my head because we both knew what she was saying, and we both knew she was right.
“If you don’t think I’ve spent the last thirteen years of my life trying to move on, then maybe you don’t know me as well as you think. I wake up every single day trying to figure out how to forgive myself, and every day I manage to fail,” I explained, still hanging my head because the tears were building and I was already embarrassed enough at this bar as it was.
“Scar.” Her hand secretly laced together with mine under the bar. “I’m not telling you to move on in the sense that you need to forget about everything. I understand that what you’ve been through isn’t something you can forget, it’s something that will always be a part of you, abigpart of you. In fact, in order to move on, I think you have to continue to carry it with you, but instead of letting it make you feel guilty, you need to use it to push you forward, push you toward a life that is both fulfilling and happy.”
It was like we were two drunk girls having a heart to heart in the bathroom. Except we weren’t drunk. Or in the bathroom.
Maggie squeezed my hand.
I hadn’t looked up yet, because I was still trying to let myself sit with my emotions while keeping it together. But despite my rude-ass comment earlier, Maggie knew me better than anyone, so she was well aware of what I was doing.
“Do you wanna go to the bathroom?” she whispered.
My head swept back and forth.
“I’m really trying, Mags,” I said, dragging my head up and pulling in as much air as I could.
“I know. But it’s my job to remind you of who you are and what you deserve because you tend to forget. A lot.” She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a hug. “I didn’t mean to make you upset, especially here, on a night like tonight, but I’m glad I said what I said.”
“I’m glad you did too,” I admitted.
Maggie could be frustrating sometimes, but mostly because she was always so insightful and wasn’t afraid to tell it how it was, even if it was hard to hear or not the perfect timing.
“And Scar?” She pulled us apart but kept me within arm’s reach. The look on her face had shifted from sympathetic to smug. “Sometimes the heart wants what it wants. You can’t fight it forever.”
A soft smile creeped out. “Just so we’re on the same page, you’re the worst influence,” I said.
“Or I’m the best influence, depends on how you look at it.”
“That’s true.” I laughed, feeling a reprieve from my emotions.
“I’ve already told you this, but I’m going to tell you once more. There are no rules when it comes to how you handle your life or your relationships. Who gives a fuck what other people think. I know this town is small, but you’ve got to do what you want to do. And if I’m being honest, the chemistry between you and Zane was gone long before the wedding was.”
“I think you’re right, and I think the thought that our relationship should’ve ended long before it did makes me a little angry and honestly a little sad for past me.” These were things I’d dwelled on for a while now, but listening to her talk about how I was just trying to check boxes must’ve struck a chord.
“Don’t let it. Everything happens for a reason, and you can’t dwell on what didn’t happen. But that does give you more of a reason to live in the present in whatever manner you choose. If that means you want to pine over a good-looking cowboy who also plays a guitar and sings great songs, then so be it,” she said.
She was right.
Again.
“Damn you.”
Her eyebrow arched as I snuck my body in between her barstool and another one that was occupied next to it, leaning over the bar in my best attempt to get the bartender’s attention.
“What can I get you two?”
“Two Fireball shots, please. Thank you, Liam,” I said.
“Okay. Damn. If I knew a little pep talk was all you needed, I would’ve done that a long time ago.” Maggie crossed her long legs and started her own scan of the room.
“You can’t move on if you’re standing still, right?” I asked.
I knew it wasn’t going to be as easy as she’d made it sound, but I had been truthful when I told her I was trying. And if I had any chance of moving on and in the right direction, I had to at least keep going.
“Here you go, ladies. This one’s on him,” he said, pointing to the end of the bar.
My eyes instinctively followed his finger before realizing who he was pointing to.
