They stared into each other's eyes for a few long moments. She felt as though she'd used up all her bravery just getting to this point, and now she didn't know how to lead anymore.
"I want you, Reaves."
There it was—the thing she hadn't dared to say. She hadn't believed she had any right to.
His expression gentled, and he ran his hand over her hair. "I've never wanted anything more in my life."
He took her hand and led her to his bed. She perched on the edge of it for a moment and then scrambled into the middle. He laughed and came after her, and she covered her face with her hands.
"I must have looked like Zia. Is that why you're laughing at me?"
"No. I'm laughing because you just showed me that you really want to be here. I've seen you sit on the edge of a chair looking like you were ready to run. I figured out a while ago that you perch because you don't feel as though you'll get to stay." He grinned. "Now you've scooted right into the middle of my bed like you own it and don't plan to leave."
He planted his hands on either side of her hips and leaned in to brush his lips over hers before adding, "I'm going to do my best to make sure you never want to."
As he leaned forward, she leaned back until she was lying beneath him, looking up into his eyes. She slid her hands inside his shirt, finally able to touch his smooth, warm skin. She knew how muscular he was from seeing him in swim shorts at Ollie's pool, and now she got to touch him.
He pulled his shirt off over his head, then unfastened his jeans and rolled to the edge of the bed to take them off.
She froze, realizing that he'd expect her to do the same. She was so comfortable around him that she'd forgotten to feel self-conscious. She'd put a little weight back on, but she was still…
"Hey." He was back at her side. "Are you okay?"
"I am." She wriggled around, hitching up the skirt of her dress before pulling the whole thing off over her head. "I'm not proud of my body right now, but it's the only one I've got."
He ran his hand down her side. "You're beautiful, Alara. I mean that. I was attracted to you the moment I met you. But if you gained a hundred pounds, and fifty years from now, you'd still be beautiful to me. I love you. I see who you are."
She held her arms out to him. "I love you, Reaves."
He was so tender. They helped each other out of their underwear and lay facing each other, his hands moving over her.
"I'm learning you," he told her.
She rested her hand in the middle of his chest. "I want to learn you, Reaves." She chuckled. "And I'm ready for the advanced class."
She watched him fish a condom out of his jeans pocket and roll it on before turning to face her.
His smile was tentative. "Still ready for the advanced class?"
She nodded, but when he moved closer, she caught his shoulder. "Wait."
He stopped immediately, and her heart squeezed. He didn't ask what was wrong or try to persuade her. He simply waited, his gaze steady on hers.
"I don't know how to do this anymore," she admitted. "I mean, obviously I know how. But I don't know how to be…" She searched for the word. "Seen."
His expression softened. "Then we don't have to do anything."
"I want to." She tightened her fingers on his shoulder. "I really want to. I just don't want you looking at me and seeing how thin I got. Or thinking about how sick I was."
"I am going to think about it," he said gently. "Because I know what it cost you to get here. But I'm not going to look at you and see someone who's sick."
He traced his fingers down her cheek.
"I'm going to see the woman I love. The woman who kept going when she had every reason to fall apart. The woman who made a home for her daughter wherever she could. The woman who brought my dad back to life and filled his house with glitter." His mouth curved. "A frankly alarming amount of glitter."
She laughed, the sound coming out shaky.
"And I'm going to see the woman who invited me into her bed," he continued. "Which might be the bravest thing you've done yet."
