Page 40 of The F*ck-It List

“You don’t have to,” I say, trying not to let my voice show how dejected I am.

Bea steps forward, hand held flat for the horse to snuffle at her palm. Joey is a gentle giant according to my old school friend, Nat, who runs the riding school. He is chestnut brown with a white face and black mane that shines in the sun when he shakes his head.

“He is very beautiful,” Bea says, tentatively stroking the animal’s long nose.

“He is,” Nat says. Nat’s been riding horses since she could sit up by herself. We weren’t close at school or anything, but we were friendly. She’s nice and we stop to chat on the rare occasion we cross paths. “And I promise he’ll take good care of you.”

“It’s okay, sunshine,” I say. “If you’re too scared—”

Bea whirls on me, outrage darkening the sky of her eyes. With one hand on a hip, the other points at me accusingly. “Excuse me sir, but I am scared of creepy crawlies and pooping in public restrooms. I’ll give anything else a go.”

I’m frozen in place, unsure what to do with that. “Public restrooms?” I ask.

“Yeah, I don’t like the idea of people hearing me dothat, then you’ve got hygiene issues and of course, increased risk of toilet snakes,” she says without a hint of joking.

“Toilet snakes, of course,” I say, and she nods seriously, not picking up on my sarcasm. I can see Nat stifling a laugh behind her hand and if it had been anyone else saying these things, I probably would have shared an eye roll with my friend and walked away. But for some reason, Bea is charming the hell out of me, and I find myself smiling down at her.

“Okay,” Bea says with a determined breath. “Let’s do this.”

I watch patiently as Nat provides Bea with a hat and what she calls a body protector that looks like a bullet proof vest, and then brings her to Joey’s side. She tells her to put a foot in the stirrup and then says she’ll help her up. Before I know it, I’m volunteering my help instead. I’m not a horse person, but I’ve lived in the country my whole life, you pick things up. I know I should help her by her leg, I know I don’t need to touch her anywhere else, but my hands curl around her hips and squeeze. My thumbs skim over the sliver of skin between her light denim jeans and her body protector before I lift. She gasps as I help her up into the saddle, the movement easy with her leg in the stirrup.

When she’s seated, I see the pink flush to her cheeks and the way she swallows, avoiding my eye as she mumbles a thank you. I step away to let Nat take the lead rope, still feeling the shape of her beneath my fingertips, still smelling the sweetness of her shampoo. It’s intoxicating. It’s dangerous.

Nat takes Bea and Joey into the school ring, a large outdoor paddock with rubber chippings on the ground to cushion any falls. She’s patient as she shows Bea how to hold the reins, how to place her feetin the stirrups and then she lets the lead rope out to its full length and Joey starts to trot. Bea’s delighted yelp has me laughing involuntarily. She moves up and down in the saddle with Joey’s rhythm like Nat told her and her face is bright with the force of her smile.

“August, look at me, I’m riding a horse!” She laughs in delight.

“I can see that, sunshine,” I say, not trying to hide the pride in my voice. I lean my forearms atop the wooden fence around the paddock and watch the lesson progress.

“Oh my god, this is thrilling,” Bea says. “Have you ever ridden?” she asks as they come to a stop in front of me.

“Fuck no,” I snort.

“You should!”

“Absolutely not,” I stand straight.

“Why?”

“I’m too big,” I say, scrambling for an excuse.

“Bullshit,” Nat says. “I’ve got at least three horses that would be big enough for you. I can get one saddled up for you.”

I’m shaking my head, but Bea is clapping her hands and looking down at me with begging eyes. “Come on, August. Helping someone try something new is on my Fuck-It list, you could help me cross it off.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “Is that really on your list?”

“I just added it,” she giggles. “Come on, try it, if you’re not too scared.” I’m ashamed that her taunt hits the spot.

“Fuck, fine,” I groan, much to Bea’s delight. Nat smiles, signalling another girl at the stables to tack up a horse for me.

I’m not scared. Kids ride these things. I can do it. It’s just my mode of transportation shouldn’t have free will; that just seems weird to me.When a girl who could only be eighteen at most, leads an absolute monster of a black horse over to me, along with a hat and no body protector because they may have horses big enough but definitely not vests. My heart is in my throat as I put the hat on and I’m sure I’ve gone a little pale. My horse, Lady, is black all over apart from the one star of white between her eyes. I get the distinct impression she’s bored of me when I psyche myself up with one foot in the stirrup and she huffs out a breath through her nose. The petite blonde who brought Lady over thankfully doesn’t try to help me up, instead letting me use the nearby bench to get a leg up.

I’m slightly embarrassed by the little whimper I let out when I land in the saddle. And I hold on to the front of the leather for dear life as I’m led into the paddock with Bea and Nat. Bea is grinning like mad and looking at me with the same pride I had for her.

“See?” she says with unrestrained excitement. “It’s fun, right?”

“Sure,” I strain out, clenching so hard I may turn my insides to diamonds.