Page 21 of Psychotic Nightmares

Bull reaches into Howard's mouth with the tongs, then replaces my hand on Howard's jaw. I make my way over to the open fire and kneel. Picking up another set of tongs, I eye up the different sized Ball Bearings.No, not good enough. I look on the other side of the fire and see the barbed caltrops there.Perfect. I reach in and take one of the metal stars with the tongs, stand and make my way over to Howard, whose eyes become wider the closer I get. Yeah, that's right motherfucker. Be scared. Just like you scared Natalie. The smell of urine fills the room and I laugh, he's actually pissed himself with fear.Good. The flesh of his tongue singes as I press one of the points into it, his screams are like music to my fucking ears. I wonder if Natalie screamed, I didn’t hear her when we were in the bank, but maybe she couldn’t.

“Stop screaming, the more you scream the longer I’ll take.” I chuckle. “You will suffer just as much as you made my girl suffer.” He tries to keep quiet but can’t as the heated metal pierces through. “You know what, I think I like this piece of jewellery. But you need a matching nose piercing,” he tries to shake his head, only to burn himself more on the other points. “Now, now. Let’s be a good boy. The more you behave, the longer you’ll live.” I taunt.And the longer I get to torture you for.Twisting the caltrop I start directing another one of the sharp tips towards his nostril. The smell of burning flesh and urine starts making Bull gag, but he stays with me. He’s a good fucking doctor, but I swear any tiny thing makes him feel sick, especially the sight of needles.I try not to use them as much while he's in here with me, but they are still one of my favourite bits of equipment. I remember the first time I injected acid into someone's eye. The screams coming from them made me so damn happy.

Yes, I’m a hitman we all are, and we are mostly clean with our kills. But when I bring them here, to this room. Well that's a completely different story.When I wear the mask I become unhinged, I become my alter ego. The one who can do whatever he wants to do without consequence. I becomea bandit. Without my mask I’m plain old Julian, friend to the rest of the bandits, uncle to little Nico, I can do normal things like cooking, watch a movie, play football - although the others call it soccer- I mean, you kick a ball with your feet, I think football is the perfect name but whatever.

I’m two different people with two different faces. I’ve shown her the me without the mask while wearing the mask. She knew the normal me without seeing my face, but can she like this side of me too? This is a part of me that I cannot control, that I can’t stop. I wonder if she will like my dark side as well as my light.

Howard's screams dull down as he starts to lose consciousness. I finishgetting the final barb through his nose. His tongue comes up with the caltrop, however it slowly slides down as the heat of the metal burns through it. I take the tongs back to the fireplace and hang them on the hooks. Howard is fully passed out now, but still breathing.Shame.“What are you going to do, boss?” Bull asks.

“About?”

He grabs my arm and pulls me out of the room, precaution incase Howard can still hear. “About everything, he knows who you are. He might find another way to tell Natalie.” He’s right. Howard could write it out in blood, he could mouth it out to her, she’s a clever enough woman, if he gives her some hints she would easily guess. “You need to get rid of him.”

“It’s not down to me.” I breathe and rip off the mask. “Natalie gets the final say on whether he lives or dies.”

“B…” I put my hand up to silence him. He removes his own mask and drops down on the sofa. “You best lock the door and let the girls know it’s safe to come out. I’m sure they’re going to have a lot of questions.”

I click the padlock in place, I haven’t needed to use it for months, not since the woman who killed her teenage daughter tried to escape. Peacock had a lot of fun with that one.

“How is she?” I ask quietly, unprepared for his answer as he tells me every injury she received. It makes me want to go and rip out Howard's Adams apple with my sharpened pliers. “Will she be okay?”

“Physically, yes.” Bull sighs. “However, it may take some time for her to be mentally well again. She has been through a lot, Julian. Be gentle with her. I wouldn’t want to go above you, but I will if I have to.”

“You won’t have to.” I grit my teeth, getting pretty fucked off with my team telling me how to treat my woman.

“Good.” He stands and knocks on the bathroom door once, waits three seconds then knocks twice. Our code to let each other know it’s safe to come out. I hear the lock click, then the door slowly opens. Pea pops her head out and double checks before she nods behind her.

Natalie shuffles out, her tired eyes meet mine, the bandages on her head are now hidden behind a fringe.So that’s why Peacock wanted the scissors.The rest of her hair is shorter than before. Alotshorter. “Right, we’re off.” Peacock slides her arm through Bulls. “Rest up and I’ll see you tomorrow.” She doesn’t look back as she drags Bull towards the exit.

“Umm…” She looks down and starts fiddling with the hem of my t-shirt she is wearing. I see the outline of the boxers underneath, but she opted not to wear the trousers. I wonder why.

“Sit.” I gesture to the sofa. “I’ll make you something to eat.” I shuffle over to the kitchen, hesitant to leave her alone, even though she is only mere feet away from me.

“Umm, okay.” Her voice is quiet, unlike the confident loudness she had last week when she was dancing around her living room in just a t-shirt and underwear, a glass of wine in one hand, the TV remote in the other switching through the music channels every time one came up with an advertisement. She was celebrating something and refused to tell me what it was. Although there was a sadness in her eyes, she forced herself to smile.

“Anything in particular you would like?” I open up the fridge, “we have plenty of choices.” I look over my shoulder to where she sits. She’s fiddling with her fingers, her eyes quickly meet mine from where she was staring. Her cheeks redden as if she is embarrassed about something.

“I don’t mind.” She finally gives me a small smile. “Whatever you cook is always amazing anyway.” I notice she is sitting with a little lean to the left. “Would you like me to help?”

“You can help by sitting there and looking pretty.” I tellher. “Your haircut suits you.” I finally admit. Although I’m a little disappointed she cut the length, but damn she looks beautiful.

Her hands come up to play with the tips of her locks and she gives me a shy smile. My heart can’t handle how fucking adorable she is, I know she’s vulnerable at the moment, I know I have to hold back from beng too touchy with her, yet I am struggling to control myself. “Thank you. I always preferred it shorter.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “I don’t have to hide any more right?” She questions.

I see, this is why she had her hair long. “Natalie. You never have to hide with me.” I close my eyes. I just want to hold her.

Control yourself, Julian. Let her come to you.

“You hid with me though.” She picks up the mask from the coffee table. “Why?”

Because I don’t want you to find out my true identity.I turn and take some chicken breasts out of the fridge and some seasoning from the cupboard. “I didn’t want to.” I lie. “But I was scared.”Not a lie.“Scared you would take one look at me and run.” I lean against the counter and take some deep breaths. “I’m not exactly Prince Charming.” Hands sneak around my middle, I jump at first, until I see the pretty French tips of Natalie's nails. My phone vibrates from the other side of the room. Who ever it is can fuck off. I’m not going to interrupt this moment for some stupid phone call.

She came to me. She actually came to me.I have to calm my racing heart, I don’t want her to think it’s thumping loud for anything but nerves. I take a risk and slide my fingers though hers. Her thumb strokes against mine.

“You’re gorgeous.” She whispers. “I don’t care about looks. I have no right to do that with my scars. I go by how people make me feel Julian. And with you I feel happy.” She whispers against my back. We have been in this position many times, when she came home early from work to find me cooking or woke up when I was sorting breakfast and lunch for her before I left. She didn’t freak out the firsttime she saw me in her house. Maybe because we had quite a bit of communication before that. I still have the note she left me that first time. She left it on the fridge, held up by one of her cartoony magnets.

I don’t know who you are, why you are doing this or what you want with me. But I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for taking care of me. My protector in the shadows. I’ve seen you watching me. Following me home from work. Come say hi next time. I promise I won'tbite.

I still have that note. Locked away in the safe along with every other one she's left me since then. Most of them thank me in some way. Whether it be just a quick thank you, or writing the words at the bottom of her story about how her day had been.