Page 28 of Psychotic Nightmares

“Boss.” Bull calls after me. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“I don’t give a fuck.” I yank the door to the building open and start running up the stairs. I need to get to her. I need to make sure she’s okay.

Stay alive, treasure.

Please stay alive.

Ineedyou to live.

Three flights of stairs later and I see Dante. “How is she?” I exhale. Looking through the gap to see her paling skin and the fallen bottle of wine soaking into her clothes, she looks so weak. So - broken. And I am the cause of her pain. I broke her.I fucked up.

She loved me.

She loved me and I didn’t know. I should’ve told her earlier how much she meant to me. I should’ve done things a lot different.

I fucked up.

I fucked up.

I fucked up.

“Still breathing, barely.” I notice he is stealthily keeping track of her pulse. “She passed out a few seconds ago, but her pulse is weak.” He turns to me, his eyes red from holding back the tears. “Do you know how to get in?”

I grab my hair, pull it slightly, and try to calm my breathing. My feet start pacing back and forth. I shake my head. I played with this particular brand of chain for weeks, testing out everything from using bolt cutters to trying to break down the door. And none worked. That's the only reason I installed this chain - and door - because it would keep her safe. I never thought she would use it to keep me out though. Not me.

Why me? Why would she lock me out like this?

A slight murmur has me looking down through the gap. Natalie stirs in her sleep, before she starts to shake violently against the wall.Fuck. Her body falls on the floor as Dante starts to time her seizure.

“We have to get in there. Does she have a fire escape or something?” I don’t answer straight away. “Julian.” Dante grabs my arm from where he’s sat, never taking his hand away from her wrist. “Does she have a fire escape?” He asks again.

“No…” I pull at my hair again, “not unless it’s in her bedroom. I’ve only been in there one time and that was last night.” I start pacing. Her jerking has slowed down a little now, but she is still unconscious. “Fuck.” I run down the stairs and bang on the door to the apartment underneath Natalie's.

“Boss.” I don’t see who opens the door as I run through his home, looking in every room until I find what I’m looking for. I breathe a sigh of relief as soon as I see the metal stairs. I take two at a time until I get to where I need and slide the window up.

Natalie is still by the time I get to her. I lift her weakened body into my arms, her breathing is shallow and her pulse is slow. She almost succeeded, if I never arrived then…

I fucked up.

“You can help her right?” I whisper as I sit on the sofa after letting Bull and Dante in. While Bull starts doing his checks, Dante sits on the chair, never taking his eyes off my woman. “Why did she do this?”

“You know why.” Bull sneers, clearly angry with me. I’m going to pay for my actions later. “I need to take her to the hospital.” He tries to lift her from my lap but I just hold her tighter. “Julian, be reasonable. If she doesn’t go to the hospital and have her stomach pumped she will die.” He says matter of factly.

“Then I’ll carry her. And we are going back to the homebase, you can treat her there. No-one else will touch her.” I glare at Dante. “Especially you. If you never bought her back here, she wouldn’t be like this now.”

“Just take her to the fucking van, Julian. You are wasting time.” He tells me through gritted teeth.

I narrow my eyes at him then stand. He’s right, and I hate that he is. “This isn’t over.” I snarl, shoulder barge him out of the way then carry Natalie to the van. “And you,” I tell her sleeping face. “You are never leaving my sight again.”

It’s been a long fucking week and I haven’t managed to speak to Natalie about that night. Bull managed to empty her stomach and get her talking. To him, not to me. Every time I tried she looked away and refused to listen to me. Pea, after beating me senseless that night, finally answered my call and came to sit with Natalie in the medical room. Dante has gone in a few times to see her, mostly to take her a drink or something to eat, which she has refused every time. But me, me she keeps locked out. She told me she loved me. And she’s locking me out. Not like I blame her. I fucked up bad. So fucking bad. I’m surprised she’s even still here.

I’m surprised everyone else comes every day to see her, they never come daily when I was here alone. I need my fucking space. Is this how Natalie felt when I invaded her space daily?

No, she adored me being there with her. The way she looked at me whenever I walked through the door on days I was late, like she was waiting for me.

The way she held me close after her nightmares.

Her body reacted in ways that got me aroused whenever I kissed her shoulder.