Page 38 of Psychotic Nightmares

“You know what,” I stand and snatch the locket from his hand as well as the hoodie and sandals. “I’m getting pretty fucking sick of your apologies Julian.”

I storm away, leaving him standing in the middle of the room.

“I really am sorry.” I hear him whisper as I exit the building.

eleven

Dante

She lost her fucking memories.

“Fuck.” I laugh and slide a hand over my face. When I saw her today, my son snuggled up with her as they spoke about school, it was like I was back there. To that time when we were happy, when I held her in my arms and cradled her back to sleep after her night terrors. Back to hearing her short and cute giggles whenever I told a lame ass dad joke. Back to the nights when we shared a bed, from her silky skin against my fingers to her quiet moans...

“I love you.”

When I heard her tell me she loved me for the first time my heart almost exploded. I knew for a couple of weeks beforehand how I felt and wanted to tell her in the perfect way. The locket I had custom made for her had her birthstone on the outside with an inscription inside.

“Her gesture, motion, and her smiles. Her wit, her voice, my heart beguiles. Beguiles my heart, I know not why. And yet I love her till I die” She smiles, “a quote from one of your favourite poems I assume?”

“You know me too well.” I laugh.

“Well I love it,” she turns and holds her hair to one side while holding the locket out with her other hand. Making sure it's clasped securely I lean down and kiss the spot between her neck and shoulder, she leans her back against me, turning her head slightly so I can kiss her sweet lips. “And I love you, Dante.”

My phone rings, bringing me out of the sweet daydream. I check the time, almost two in the morning. The number is unknown.Who the heck is calling me at this time?The call cuts off and a text soon comes through.

Unknown:

Hi, not sure if this is still your

number Dante. But I think we need

to talk. If this isn’t you then I’m sorry

for disturbing you.

Natalie

Natalie?I call back and she answers within the first ring.

“Is everything okay?” I ask before she can finish saying her hello. “What’s happened?”

“I, I need to talk to you. I’m sorry for calling so late. I hope I didn’t wake you.” I look down at the freshly made coffee on the table and the paperwork from the nanny agency saying they are terminating my contract. I was researching more agencies before I started thinking about the first woman to ever break my heart. I never had any deep feelings for Nico's mother - the only other woman I had a ‘committed’ relationship with. And by that I mean we fucked and that was it. Natalie was different though. Even though we spent our nights in hotels, we always went out beforehand. Whether it be a walk along the shore or a candlelit dinner, our relationship was romantic and loving.

It’s been five years, and I still remember every little detail of her scarred body. I remember the way she had my heart beating faster when she walked into the room. I remember being so fucking scared of messing something up and her leaving. I thought she did leave, I thought I scared her away by not telling her about Nico sooner. But I was terrified of losing her. I was terrified of putting Nico indanger if she couldn’t be trusted. But the more time I spent with her, the more my feelings grew, and I knew I could trust her with my son. And when she ghosted me, it broke me. Pea wanted to go searching for her.

I’m grateful I kept Natalie's name to myself. They knew I met someone, but I didn’t want them to meet her, not when I can’t fully trust them around new people, not just that but she could be used as a pawn for our enemies.

Shit. Maybe Julian felt the same. He didn’t want to tell us because he can’t trust everyone else.

He’s had years with her though, I only had four months, even though for me it felt like years. I would understand if she chose him. That doesn’t mean I’ll be happy about it though.

“No, you didn’t wake me.” I sigh and close my laptop down. “What’s up?” I swear if Julian has upset her again, I will lose my shit.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it now, or ever. But…” I wait for her to finish her sentence. “But I wanted to know how you honestly feel about me. Do you hate me for thinking I left you on purpose?” Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I think of what to tell her. “An honest answer, please. I can take it.”

She wants true transparency. After being lied to and abused for most of her life I can give her that. “Truthfully, I still have hate towards you. I know it wasn’t your fault. But I felt that hatred for years and I can’t just stop.”She hums with agreement. “And I can’t trust you. Not right now. You broke my heart twice Nat. Once when I thought you left me and again last week when I heard you say you loved my best friend. I know it’s selfish to feel like that because you didn’t know about us. I know that. But watching you with him fucking hurts. I hate you for making me feel like that.”She’s silent, did I take it too far? “I’m sorry.”

“I understand.” She sniffs.