Page 67 of Psychotic Nightmares

“If you can’t choose us both. Choose him. For your own sake. I don’t deserve to be loved, especially by someone as special as you.”

With a heavy exhale, she pulls her hand away from mine.

No, no, no.

Before I can protest, she steps over me with one leg then lowers herself onto my lap until she is straddling me. Her core resting on my soft dick, it twitches under her warmth. She must have felt it by her look of shock, followed by desire. Then purposely grinds against me while shuffling herself closer.

Fuuuuuuuuck.

“Why are you being down on yourself?” Back to serious talk I guess. She rests her forehead against mine, her hands lay on my cheeks, her thumbs start gently caressing my rough skin. “Why are you trying to make my decision for me?” She’s being so damn tender with me, as if I’m about to break with one wrong word. Oh, baby. I don’t break that easily.

“Because he’ll be good to you. He’ll be goodforyou. My life is dark, Grace. So fucking dark sometimes I think I’ve woken up blind. You were the only bit of light in my life. And now look. Because I brought you here you have been infected by the darkness too. Dante isn’t like me…”

“Good.” She interrupts. “I don’t want him to be like you. I love you for you, Julian. I love Dante for who he is too. If you were the same, well for one, it’ll be boring. And for two, I think you two being complete opposites is why you blend so well. He brings you light Julian. You’ve just gotten so used to it you don’t see it any more.”

Shit. I haven’t been as appreciative of Dante, hell, of them all, in a long while. Have I really got so used to having them around I don’t thank them any more. I used to thank them all the time for everything they do. I’ve been such a fucking idiot.

I need to do something for them.

I need to let them know how much I love and appreciate them.

Are they going to walk away from me for not respecting them?

Shit.

I wrap my arms around her back and hold her tight. “You’re right.” She removes her hands from my face and circles them around my head as my forehead connects with her shoulder. I turn my head a little until her shortened hair tickles my nose and I take in the intoxicating scent of her shampoo. “Fuck, you’re so right.I’ve taken him for granted all this time. I should’ve realised it sooner. I need to apologise to him.”

“Hmm.”

“Thank you. For making me realise how much of a blessing Dante is to me.”

“And you are to him too.” She kisses the top of my head. “Don’t tell him I told you this, but he actually skipped out on one of our dates because you got the flu and he wanted to care for you.” I laugh against her shoulder. “It’s true. I was so pissed at him at the time. I was wearing my best dress and everything!” She pouts playfully.

“I remember that day. He arrived in a suit and I thought I was hallucinating. He changed while I was asleep and denied being dressed up. The cheeky bastard has been gaslighting me all this time? I questioned him about it only last month because it’s been bugging me to this day.”

Oh I’m going to make him pay.

“See, he cares for you just as much as you do him. You light up other people's lives Julian. You lit up mine for years, and even though this past week has been rough, you are still one of the beacons lighting my path back home.”

“Grace.” I whisper.

“You are deserving of love.” She tells me matter of factly. “You are more than deserving of it, Julian. From me, from your family. From yourself.” From myself? Can I learn to love myself, I’ve never been able to since I was a kid. I always looked for solace in others. Never myself. I always went after those I wanted, those I needed, without thinking of what they wanted.

I really am a selfish jerk.

“Only we can start fixing what’s broken inside us, right?” I breathe. I need to rectify all my mistakes. I need to fix what I’ve wrecked with my actions.

With Grace.

With my team.

With my brother.

Withmyself.

“That’s right. So focus on healing yourself Julian. Learn to love yourself. Try to see how we all see you.”

“How do you see me?”