Page 293 of Rush

“He wants more and—” I sigh, chest tightening like I’m breathing underwater. “I couldn’t, Pip.”

“What, really?” she says, folding her hands neatly in her lap. “I knew this would happen. That casual arrangement was never going to last long. Especially when it’s so obvious you two have feelings for each other.”

I exhale, slow and shaky, and lean my head back against the couch. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“But itislike this,” she says, calm but firm. “So what’s holding you back? Honestly.”

I rub my hands over my face. “It’s not that simple.”

“Yes, it is.”

“It’s not.”

“Why?”

“Because I love Alex too—he’s still in here,” I blurt, pointing to my chest sobbing.

Philippa holds me.

Each time I edge toward falling into Broderick, he appears, timed perfectly, drawing me back into his orbit.

He hasn’t let go, and neither have I.

He still crowds my thoughts. And with Broderick wanting space, I’m stuck in the worst kind of loop—a song on repeat that plays Broderick’s melody to Alex’s rhythm.

It would be easier to move on if I’d fallen out of love with him. But I haven’t—and worse, I know he regrets the breakup. There’s something about it that doesn’t sit right, something I can’t quite name.

I’m not allowed to talk to you.

Since when does love come with rules like that? There has to be more to this than what he told me.

We promised to burn.

So what—or who—snuffed it out?

“Where does that leave Broderick?” she asks, trying to untangle the wreck I’ve made, her hand tracing gentle circles on my back.

“I need him,” I admit. “He keeps the thoughts of Alex at bay. Even if it’s just for a moment. Or a night. Or a little while longer.” I sigh. “But after the run-in on New Year’s Eve…” I trail off. “I can’t help wondering if maybe it’s…kismet.”

Kismet.

The word Alex used when he told me he saw me at the club. When he said we were meant to collide. Destined. Written in the stars.

I pull a pillow into my lap, fingers curling tight around it.

“The only thing standing in our way is Madison,” I say quietly. “But maybe if I wait…” My voice falters. “Maybe there’s still a chance. Our story was cut short, Pip.”

She waits long enough for the full weight of my bullshit to settle in.

“Okay,” she says finally. “And you’re holding yourself back because you’re waiting for Alex.”

She tilts her head. “Is that it?”

“Yes,” I mumble, shame curling deep in my chest. “I thought I was doing the right thing—letting Broderick go. But now he’s halfway across the world, and I?—”

“Miss him?” she finishes.

I nod.