Page 163 of Rest In Knotty Pieces

“I don’t know anything.”

I don’t know anything. It’s my catch cry, it’s four words that will be my anthem, that I will sing through the pain, that I will hold on to with everything in me. I shove Merle, Jay, and Dove deep inside me as Raptor and Kestrel rise.

The three of us push into the body, squeezing until we have complete control.

“Count.”

The whip sings through the air and hits my skin like liquid fire.

“One!” we say.

Kestrel

Raven and Raptor fade away as I continue to scream, as much because they are useless here as I won’t allow them to stay. It’s too much. He’s never hurt us this badly before.

I knew he was mad, but I’m not sure I can survive this.

“Tell me where they are!”

“I don’t know! I don’t know anything!” My voice is breaking and hoarse from all the screaming.

My back is on fire, blood has run down, soaking me. Still, he sends that whip cracking towards my skin, splattering the wall around me.

“Thirty-nine!” I scream in defiance.

I howl, my body arching as my nerves light up. My back bows, and then I collapse, the manacles cutting into the delicate skin on my wrists as they hold all my weight.

He grips my hair, dragging my head back and staring down at me.

“You’re a sweaty, disgusting mess, Merelee.”

I whimper.

“Such a bad girl.”

Those four words terrify me.

His gloved fingers squish my cheeks into my teeth, cutting them, but I don’t cry out. I just stare into the sockets of that mask, wishing I could see something and make him human, steal his power.

I’m sick of the nightmares.

“Where are they?”

Tears run from my eyes, I can’t stop them even if I wanted to, my chest heaves, my heart is racing. Adrenaline has faded, and I’m falling into a numb place that I can’t go yet. It's not safe.

Just hold on a bit longer, Kest.

I grip the edges of my will and wrap them around me like a blanket.

“I don’t know anything!” I scream into his face, spit flies out and hits his arm. He releases me and brings his hand up and wipes it away.

“You don’t know?”

I shake my head in exhaustion, sweat drips off my nose and lands on the dirty concrete, turning it dark. I can smell the dust and my blood now.

“Fine. I guess you really don’t. But you need to be punished for your disobedience anyway.”

He disappears.