Page 55 of Rest In Knotty Pieces

The thing about walking is that it allows your thoughts to wander, and pretty soon, mine are a tangle of confused, half-formed thoughts that are twined with anxiety and exhaustion.

“All right, that’s the third time you’ve tripped. What’s going on?” Roseland snarls as he turns on me.

I back up, but he follows me until he captures my elbows and stops my retreat. He bends so he can stare into my eyes, ignoring King and the warning growl.

“What is going on, Omega?”

The word hits hard, and I whine in response. His eyes darken and turn into slits.

I shake my head, frantically trying to protest.

“There is something, what is it? Are you panicking about what you were doing when I hit you with the car?”

My eyes fill with tears, and I hastily wipe them away and nod. I wasn’t, but now I am.

Roseland stands up, his face carefully blank, his expression austere. “You don’t remember how you came to be running around, do you? I’ve wondered if you might have forgotten a couple of times.”

I shake my head.

He grabs my chin and tilts my head right back so I’m staring straight up into his face. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t force it. Sometimes memories are best left forgotten.”

I stare at him. Stunned.

Sometimes, I forget to be scared. Like right now. And he’s so gentle and kind, and I honestly don’t understand who this alpha is.

“Merle, you don’t need to know. You are here; let’s just walk. Forget everything else. Just enjoy being away from everyone.”

I bob my head. I can do that.

He stops, his jaw working. “King!” he snaps, and before he can say anything else, he’s gone, and King is beside me.

I stare at the spot where he was, hating everything. But afraid. So afraid. I know something terrible must have happened to me, but I don’t know what.

Roseland’s words have hurt my feelings, though I can’t explain why. Forget? Wouldn’t that be bad?

We get to a camp where Bonnie happily chatters endlessly with her friends and pack. I’m left alone, watching them work, watching them with their purpose.

And I have nothing. No job. No reason to be.

I wander away, leaving the group, following the trail up until I get to a rock that looks out at the mountains. The view is beautiful, but I don’t feel any connection to it.

“It’s stunning, isn’t it?” I turn my head to find the alpha they call Desi standing behind me.

He’s skinny yet tall. His face is open and kind. I get a flash of a memory of a person with a face like his smiling up at the ceiling while another alpha punches him to death. I shudder, backing away from that memory.

I nod.

“This journey, this trip, can be healing. If you need to talk, we can all listen. We can help you.”

I stare at him, my lips pressed together. I’m not sure what he wants to hear. A plea, a confession, all my anxieties vomited into the air until I’m catatonic. I can’t speak anymore. My voice was stolen; how can I do what they ask? I turn away, looking out at the golden light. It’s turned the whole world that hue.

He leaves me alone.

It’s Pix who comes next.

“Come and eat.”

I ignore him, watching the gold turn to sepia. I’m not a fucking dog.