Page 40 of Made to Be

Andthatwas how we found ourselves standing beside my bed in said silent standoff.

There was no way I was making the first move. He had been the one to tiptoe the line back there initiating that kiss. And he had also been the one to stop it. So, anything that happened from here on out would have to be up to Cam. I was a perv, a fact I was fully self-aware of. But I was at least a respectful one, damnit. Despite my horny-addled brain.

“Which...” My voice squeaked embarrassingly, so I cleared my throat, “Which side do you sleep on?” I asked him.

“The left. You?”

I smirked, feeling my playful side emerge in spite of the nerves making me jittery. “The middle.”

He let out a soft chuckle meeting my gaze, “Perfect.”

Getting into bed was a rather awkward affair, filled with adorable clumsiness on both our parts. Our limbs bumped and brushed against each other several times in the process and as I was pulling the covers over us, I heard Cam sigh with what seemed like contentment.

To accommodate Cam’s large body on the full-sized mattress, I turned onto my side facing him, head pillowed on my arm as I watched him settle into the bed. It dipped with each of his movements, jostling me slightly. But I didn’t mind.

Suddenly, a wave of uneasiness took hold of me. Was that truly a sigh of pleasure and not one of weariness? The anxiety that had plagued me my whole life reared its ugly, familiar head at the thought: was Cam happy? Was he happy that I had brought him back to life? Was he happy being with me? Granted, it had only been a few days. My heart was already in free fall, but what about his? Was he more guarded with his emotions and I was just seeing what I wanted to see? Did he even want to bewithsomeone with hisnewfound mortality? Was I projecting my own wants on him, forcing him to tolerate me just because of what I did for him out of some sense of... obligation?

Even if it was my magic that had brought him back to life, that didn’t mean he was inherently bound to me. At least, I didn’t think it did. I would never purposely force that kind of connection on someone. Even if I was already... What? Falling in love with him? No, the L-word seemed too much too soon.

It was too soon, right?

My mind swirled as it spiraled down and down the never-ending vortex that were my insecurities. And every place I found myself lacking in the face of every past relationship I had ever had, romantic and otherwise, left me feeling... hollow. Vulnerable. And guilty.

I hadn’t realized how clammy my skin had become until a warm palm reached up to cup the side of my face in a soothing gesture. The hand was so large that it spanned my entire cheek, fingertips lightly brushing my temple. The comforting touch brought me back to the present, enough so that the pounding of my heart, which I hadn’t realized had been so loud, began to calm. The sudden wave of nausea passed. I blinked rapidly as Cam’s worried face came into sharp focus. He’d scooted closer to me, resting on his own side with his nose just an inch from my own.

“Victor?” Cam asked, blue eyes creased with concern.

“Huh?” My tongue darted out to lick my dry lips. “Sorry, did you say something? Did you want to know what we’re doing tomorrow?” I rambled. “Well, I had a few ideas but with the cuffs, it’s probably best that I work on a way to get them off. But if you-”

“Victor.” He repeated my name more sternly this time, and I jolted, mouth snapping shut. He huffed as his thumb rubbed over my cheekbone softly, affectionately, “Are you okay?”

And fuck if I didn’t melt right on the spot. No one ever asked me that. Not the family that I barely kept in contact with. Not my coworkers. Not even Alice. No one ever wondered if I was okay because I always outwardly projected that Iwas. I never gave anyone room to doubt it. I never allowed them to peer behind the curtain. His concern warmed my heart, loosening the bricks in the walls I kept toweringly high at all times. But even that wasn’t enough for me to tear them down just yet.

“I’m fine,” I lied. I didn’t feel fine. I felt off balance. Ungrounded. Exposed. Vulnerable.

Cam’s responding look was far from convinced; brows pinched and lips forming a tight line. But he didn’t push. Even if he did, I wouldn’t budge. I would not let my anxieties be a burden. They would only get in the way.

I would be fine.

I was always fine.

No one truly wanted to hear about another’s worries and fears. No one really wanted to be burdened by someone else’s deepest troubles.

At least that was what I had always believed.

***

Two days had gone by and we still hadn’t been able to remove the cuffs. And in that time, we spent it glued to each other’s sides. Literally.

Cam didn’t seem to mind at all. I secretly thought he didn’t want me to get the cuffs off. And if I hadn’t been able to watch him the entire time, I would have been convinced he was sabotaging the spells I was practicing to remove them.

I liked being stuck to the man I was hard-core crushing on as much as the next guy, but I had one particular motivator to get these things off.

I hadn’t shit in two days. Two. Days.

And not because I didn’t need to, but because I literally couldn’t. I physically could not poop in front of Cam having only known him for a few days. Even if we’d been together for years, I didn’t think I would be comfortable pooping directly in front of him.

Didn’t he have to poop?