Page 148 of The Sound of Him

Except, Ididthink of it. It was one of the first things I thought of. Of course I considered going after Quinton, the man who sold Carter and Casey, but also sold Elliot. When you’re looking for someone, going straight to the source is the obvious first move.

What Travis knows is that Scott Quinton was selling Elliot - and possibly more children - under the metaphorical table,since the other major players in his region hadn’t agreed to him dipping his toe into that particular market. What Travis knows is that that information can be used as leverage against Quinton for information. What Travis knows is that even if the worst case scenario happens, a man like Quinton disappearing wouldn’t be that surprising, especially if that information about the kids got out.

What Travis doesn’t know, because he’s a regular operative like I’m supposed to fucking be and therefore not privy to inside information, is that Quinton is a pretty strong link in an operation about to wrap up this spring.

The problem was - and still is - Kellan. I’ve done my research. Quinton is entangled in an operation that’s still on-going. He’s not a key player, but close to one. We wouldn’t be able to take him and start asking questions and then return him. It’d cause suspicions. Questions. It’d put our operatives in danger. It’d keep other kids from being saved. I had a feeling that the only way Kellan would approve such a move was if I got Keaton to beg him to. Except, Kellan had already been on a knifes-edge because Keaton wanted to go after Mica with Travis. On top of that, it’d give away the fact that I was looking for a kid. I was too deep when they found out. Keaton hadn’t tried to stop me. He just forced me to make the deal about Adam and to not look for any other kids once I found this one. If I’d told them about it at the beginning, though, they would have shut it down immediately.

So, yeah, finding Scott Quinton and questioning him had been firmly off the table.

That was then, though.

Maybe itismy fault for not realizing now might be a better time to try.

Maybe I really haven’t been doing everything I can to find him.

Maybe I’ve let Elliot down in a way I could have avoided.

Fuck.

“It’s worth a shot, right?” he asks.

Like it’s nothing.

Like he and the others aren’t supposed to be dead, like he and the others don’t have faces that would be recognized, like he and the others can just go around doing as they fucking please just because their operation is over.

“Quinton is a pretty big player,” I hedge. “The head might not like that.”

When he just shrugs, I decide to remind him, “We still work for the organization, Travis. He’s still the boss.”

“We’ve done things before without telling him.”

Not as many things as you think, actually.

“I really,reallydon’t think this should be one of those times. At all.”

He rubs his jaw, where he’s started growing out a beard, and eyes the computer. “Fine. Then we tell him.”

“Ask him,” I correct. “We’ll ask him.”

“Sure. Yeah.” He waves his hand, but he’s smiling like he already got the mystery man’s approval. “Have Maison call him or however that works these days. I’ve got to get going, but keep me updated?”

I want to put it off, but I don’t. It’s not fair to Elliot. It’s selfish. Despicable, really. Right this second he could be-

I close my eyes and breathe slowly.

This is not going to fuck me up.

It’snot.

I won’t even spiral.

I’m going to drink a second energy drink, just for a little boost, but that’s it. That’s the line. A second energy drink. I’m not going to think about the pills I have left or the pack of cigarettes I’ve been ignoring. I’m not going to skip dinner that’s currentlycooking. I’m not going to stay awake past whatever time Matt leaves tonight.

I’m going to keep it the fuck together.

I am.

Ido.