Page 48 of The Sound of Him

“I get that, yeah. No worries.”

“Thank you, Ace.”

I can’t sayno worriesagain, my throat too tight. I just nod, my eyes focused on the screen, and hope he actually leaves this time.

When the door closes, I look around to check that I’m really alone. Then I open my desk drawer with shaking hands and search out the two orange bottles tucked in the back. Both prescriptions are supposed to be strictly for emergencies. It’s the only reason the doc was willing to give them to me.

This feels like an emergency.

I carefully spill out one of the pills meant to quiet my mind and ease the panic in my chest. Then, after a slight hesitation, I grab the second bottle and spill one of those pills out too. I’ll need it to counteract how fucking tired the first pill will make me. Considering I already get drowsy from them on days when I’m well-rested, there’s a chance this one will knock me right on my ass without the extra help tonight.

I swallow the pills down with the rest of my energy drink, then squeeze my eyes shut to wait.

I don't let myself think while I wait.

Idon't.

I don’t think about the monsters. I don't think about what they used to smell like. I don’t think about what their hands would do, or the things they’d whisper like they were sharing a secret, or the way they’d laugh like something was funny, like we were just being silly, like I wasn’t bleeding and shaking and wondering what I did to deserve - and - and -

And then I’mactuallynot thinking about it.

I’m not thinking about any of it.

Because- thank fucking god- the pills are kicking in.

Everything finally starts to fade out, pushed away by the numbness I’d been so desperately waiting for. When I open my eyes, the world is slow and quiet. Nearly everything is fuzzy around the edges. Relief is the only sharp thing left. It’s energizing. Exhilarating.

There’s a kid for me to find. His name is Elliot. He looked Caucasian. Sounded American.

Simple.

I know how to do this. It’s my job and I am very good at my job.

I’m not tired anymore.

In fact, I don't feel anything at all.

Chapter Seven

Matt

For the first time, Nolan makes a large dinner for everyone in the house. He doesn’t outright say it’s because Travis is gone, but it feels like it’s at least a factor. Nolan is still having a hard time dealing with the tangle of emotions regarding the man that used to be our master. We’re all having a hard time like that. It’s not crazy to assume none of us would want to sit at a table with him.

Then again, Jake should be just as much of a villain to everyone. Yet, here he is, seated alongside his fellow operatives at the table among the small group of us survivors that are still left in the house. No one seems bothered byhispresence.

It makes sense that Maison and Ace are fine around him. Casey and Carter are clearly comfortable too, since they knew the truth about Travis and Jake before the rest of us. I don’t think either of them were ever hurt or raped by Jake either. Not that I ever saw, at least.

I don’t get how Nolan is okay with him, though. Not just okay enough to sit at a table with him, but enough to be passing himbread with a nervous smile on his face and actively listening to him when he talks.

Even Bryce isn’t making it into an issue, only giving Jake a few dirty looks as everyone fills their plates and begins to eat.

I can’t even look in Jake’s direction. Any time I look at him, I think of that night.

I think of him in that white shirt with the top buttons undone, sleeves rolled just beneath the crook of each elbow. I think of the way his belt buckle caught the light. I think of how I watched his shoes move closer to me - honey colored, shining, the music and laughter too loud to hear the sound of them against the floor.

I think of how I had laid there, wondering if he’d make it over to me in time. If he would save me, or put me out of my misery, or if he’d just look down and grin, watching as life drifted away from me, just another sick and twisted show that us slaves put on for all of their entertainment.

I think of how Dr. Deacon had saidonly45 seconds.