Page 41 of Backward Motion

“Hey, you,” Connor murmured into his shoulder.

“Hey,” Sam said, turning to face him.

“That was some crazy wish fulfillment.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve had a crush on you since high school.”

“No, you haven’t,” Sam scoffed.

Connor nodded seriously. “I don’t think I even realized it until recently. At the time, I just couldn’t get you out of my head.”

“Why?”

“You’re ridiculously cute, for one. And maybe a tiny part of me was envious.”

“Envious?” Sam repeated, incredulous. “You would’ve been the only one.”

“You were so up-front about who you were. Meanwhile, I was a cesspool of self-hatred.”

Sam propped himself up on his elbow. “What changed?”

“It’s weird, but it took actually getting with a guy to realize how much I like this about me.”

“Have you, um, been with a lot of guys?”

“I live in Oakdale, Sam, not under a rock,” Connor said with mock indignation. “I’ve had my share of variety.”

“You like variety?” Sam asked circularly, still not able to pin the man down.

“Sure.” Connor shrugged. “I was seeing someone casually for a while who hated ass play. Like anything to do with it.”

“You were with a side—” Sam caught himself. “Right, sorry, you don’t do labels.”

“We ended up having a lot of fun. He helped me up my game.”

Sam felt a stirring between his legs. “So sex changed things for you?”

“Well, I’d been with girls before and felt so hollow afterward,” Connor said, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. “If it was just going to be the same with guys, I would have thrown in the towel and become the straightest version of myself I could be.” He grinned, tilting his head. “But it wasn’t. It was fucking life-affirming.I’d never felt more myself, more at home in my body. I knew then it was too big a part of me to wish away.”

“Maybe that’s why you’re so good at it,” Sam said.

Connor gave a short laugh. “Hardly. I’m not nearly as experienced—” He stopped, throwing Sam a nervous look.

“As me?”

Connor cleared his throat. “I wasn’t suggesting... the other day, you just sounded like—”

“Like I’d tried a lot of things?” Sam offered, and Connor nodded. “Does that bother you?”

Connor shook his head. “If you want to do something different, you can talk me through what that looks like. But I’m not going to hurt you, Sam. I’m not built that way.”

Sam rested his cheek against Connor’s chest. He was starting to think maybe neither was he. “You know, despite all that, I’ve never topped.”

“No?” Connor asked. Sam looked up, and Connor flashed him a smile, shy and sultry at the same time. “Would you like to?”

Sam blushed. He’d never been confident enough to inhabit the role. And people were quick to assume, just as he had with Connor. They took one look at Sam and decided for him.