Page 45 of Backward Motion

“Nice threads.”

They both looked up to see Connor had arrived at the table. Behind him, Marcus and Evie followed with the beer.

“I know, right? It suits him,” Brian said as they all took seats. “How long have we been searching for that elusive fifth player?”

“You sure about this, Spielman?” Marcus teased, picking up the pitcher and pouring beer for everyone. “Last week, Sam was convinced The Beatles’ first single was ‘Hold Your Hand.’”

It was a fair point. Sam was undeniably shitty at trivia. “I won’t pretend to be as fanatical as the rest of you. I do have a life,” he shot back.

“To Sam.” Brian raised his glass, and the rest of the team followed suit.

Sam glanced across the table at Connor, who was grinning widely. It was like being accepted into the man’s inner circle.

“Finnis, you’re going to have to tutor our newest recruit,” Brian said. “Get him up to speed.”

Connor gave a resigned shrug. “I can’t perform miracles.”

Sam snickered, and the two of them exchanged a look before he realized he needed to tone it down lest it become obvious to everyone else that they were flirting. The thought summoned a prick of unease. He was finding it harder than expected to be careful about how he acted around Connor in public.

Sam had met men at varying points on their journey, and while he believed there was no right or wrong timeline for these things, he hadn’t been involved with someone who was closeted before. He tended to gravitate toward the out-loud crowd. Having copped enough shit growing up, it would be a step backward to start pretending.

But being with Connor felt so right, and his situation was complicated. Connor had done a lot of work on himself to come to terms with his sexuality. It was his father’s illness and their tumultuous history where things got stuck. His fear of damaging the relationship further was what stopped him from living an open life.Is it fair to risk imploding the situation with his father so I can feel validated?Telling Brian was progress. Perhaps it would give Connor the confidence to finally broach the subject with his parents.

Connor’s foot brushed against Sam’s ankle under the table, and Sam was hit by an all-too-familiar rush of anticipation. Just a look from across the room or the innocent brush of Connor’s hand on his shoulder was enough to flip Sam’s switch. Sam took a swig of his beer and stroked the inside of Connor’s calf with the toe of his shoe.

The circumstances weren’t ideal, but then, when he’d moved back to Oakdale, he hadn’t exactly planned on falling for someone—let alone Connor Finnegan, who treated Sam like the highlight of his day. He couldn’t bear the thought of calling that off over a technicality.

Chapter Twenty-One

“Oh, I love this scene!” Sam’s mom declared, burrowing her hand into the bowl of popcorn that sat between them on the couch.

He and Connor had been seeing a lot of each other lately, and Sam had spent little time at home. But Sunday night was Connor’s weekly family dinner, so Sam stayed in to watchWhen Harry Met Sallywith his parents. It was really just him and his mom watching. His dad sat in the armchair in the corner of the living room, scrolling through baseball stats on his phone.

“Don’t you think she has such a timeless face?” his mom murmured as Meg Ryan stared at Billy Crystal with tears rolling down her cheeks.

“How do you get past the annoying voice, though?” Sam countered, grabbing a handful of popcorn and shoving it into his mouth.

His mom batted his arm. “Stop it.”

Sam shrugged. “She’s just not my type.”

From the armchair, his father gave a snort.

“I can’t help but notice you’ve been more social of late. Which is wonderful,” she said quickly. “It’s good to know you’re reconnecting with old friends.”

Sam kept his eyes fixed on the screen. He was over at Connor’s most days after work, and the apartment had turned into their own private sanctuary. Connor wanted to watch all Sam’s favorite movies, but they could barely make it through the opening credits beforetheir innocent cuddling turned hot and heavy. Sometimes they skipped the pretense altogether and spent the whole time fooling around on the couch or in the shower until the hot water ran out.

As much as he enjoyed the sex, Sam also loved the days when they just hung out. Connor would put a record on, and Sam would take a book down from the shelf and quiz him on trivia facts while Connor made mac and cheese on the stove. Sam wasn’t brazen enough to risk staying over—he knew it would only spur an uncomfortable conversation with his mother—but it was getting harder to pull himself away. He’d burrow against Connor in bed and wish more than anything he could close his eyes and wake up beside him in the morning.

He hated lying to his mom, but he couldn’t tell her the truth without implicating Connor. Their mothers were friends, and it would put his mom in a tricky position where Maureen Finnegan was concerned.

“Yeah, Brian’s been great at inviting me to stuff around town.” Sam made a mental note to apologize to Brian later. “I’ve even joined his trivia team.”

“That’s nice.” His mother’s voice shifted to a tone so familiar he knew what came next. Another of her less-than-subtle attempts to check in. “I’ve been meaning to ask, how are you doing? Do you feel like things have settled down a bit? Started thinking about what comes next?”

Her questions stirred up a whirl of emotions. He’d thought coming home would be a pit stop, a chance to pull himself together before heading back to real life. Now the idea of leaving filled him with a quiet dread. If Connor had been just an ill-fated hookup, he could chalk it up to lust getting the better of him. But Sam had skin in the game. Being with Connor felt different, like he could relax and be himself. It was the realest relationship he’d been in, and he didn’t know what to make of that.

“I’m good,” he replied. It was laughable how poorly those words encompassed the complicated nature of the situation. “I think the new meds are helping, and it’s nice to slow down. Take it easy for a change.”