Page 55 of Backward Motion

His father leaned back in his chair. “What do you want? Another trophy? Do you know how many hours I put into making that company a success? Ask your mother; she used to complain that the only time she’d see me was when I was walking out the door each morning. Dedication and effort are the core tenets of any endeavor. And here you are, expecting a standing ovation.”

“No, I’m not, Dad,” Connor snapped, his blood boiling. “I’m just looking for the slightest fucking acknowledgment. All I ever get from you is complaints.”

“That’s how you grow. No one ever improved from mindless praise. What a waste of time.”

Connor was struck by his logic. So it had been a choice on his father’s part to raise him on a steady diet of criticism.

“You know, I’ve tried to do right by you,” Connor began, staring down at his hands. “You don’t think I’ve considered other jobs, other places? I thought staying was best for our family.”For you.He looked up at his dad’s indignant expression, illuminated by the flickering light of the TV. “But who am I kidding? No matter what I do, you’ll still treat me like some dumb kid who needs his head put on straight.”

“No one asked you to do that.” His father lifted the remote and pointed it at the screen. “If you want to leave, then go. No one’s making you stay.”

His dad unmuted the TV, and the roar of the game filled the room. Connor gripped his knees hard. He could just say it loud enough to make out above the noise of the crowd:By the way, Dad. Just when you thought I couldn’t disappoint you any more. Here goes...

Instead, he kept his mouth shut and his eyes fixed on the screen as the players shuffled across the field.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

When Sam arrived at the office on Monday morning, Connor was perched on the edge of the desk, waiting for him. He stood as Sam walked through the door, his face tense. “Morning,” he said hesitantly. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” Sam smiled through his nerves. “I, uh, actually had something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Me too,” Connor blurted. “I just wanted to say how horrible I feel about what happened on Saturday. My dad, the ceremony, what I said afterward. I spent the entire weekend going over it in my head, and you’re right—I’m a hypocrite. It’s like I’m stuck, and I can’t figure a way out—” Connor caught himself. “Sorry, what was it you wanted to say?”

Sam’s heart sank, and he pulled the strap of his bag higher on his shoulder. “I’d like to hand in my notice.”

“Oh.”

“I thought it might be better if we made a clean break, you know? Give each other some space. I think we’re in different places at the moment, and we just need to work on our own stuff.”

Connor shoved his hands into the pockets of his overalls and stared down at the floral carpeting. “I wasn’t expecting that,” he said in a hollow voice.

“I know someone who can take over the website remotely. I’m sure I can get him for a decent fee. It’s been really helping with ourbookings—”

“I don’t care about the website.” Connor exhaled sharply through his teeth. “I mean, I do—it’s awesome. I still can’t believe you conjured that out of thin air, but I don’t want you to stop working here.”

He looked up, and their eyes met. Sam’s stomach twisted. Since their conversation on Saturday, his emotions had run the full gamut. But after talking to his sister, a sort of resigned acceptance had come over him. He knew what he had to do. Yet now that he was here with Connor, now that it was happening, he realized what a blindside this must be.

“Look, Sam, I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore, but that doesn’t mean you have to quit,” Connor said. “You’ve been doing such a great job. I’d be lost without you.”

Sam tried to squash the flurry of hope. He had gone through this—there was no scenario in which the two of them simply forgot how they felt about each other and carried on as usual. He couldn’t sit at the desk without glancing at the door in anticipation of Connor coming back to the office. Even the stack of filing boxes along the wall made him think of all the times Connor had hoisted him on top to kiss him. Sam needed to be clear; he needed to make this simple.

“I’m thinking about leaving town.”

“You’re going back to Austin?”

“Maybe Chicago. My sister’s reached out to a friend at an agency over there.” He shrugged and hoped it conveyed a casualness he didn’t feel. “Might be a nice change.”

“From this or your old life?”

Sam was struck by the question. “Both,” he said finally.

Connor nodded, his eyes dull. He glanced around the office, not meeting Sam’s gaze. “Okay, well, in that case, don’t worry about giving notice. We only agreed on a trial, right? And it sounds like this is no longer working for you. No hard feelings.”

Sam shifted awkwardly on his feet. “Really, I’m happy to stay on until you find someone else. I don’t want to put you out.”

“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll manage.” Connor’s demeanor had completely changed. Sam was reminded of the Finnis from school, remote and abrupt.

“You’re sure?”