Page 83 of Moonlight Kisses at Willow Tree Hall

‘That wasn’t your fault!’ said her mother, reaching out to squeeze her hand.

‘Yes, it was,’ cried Lily. ‘If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in myself then you wouldn’t have taken us out for a meal and we wouldn’t have been in the car.’

Her dad shuffled around the table to put his arm around his daughter. ‘It’s not your fault,’ he said. ‘If anything, it was mine. I was five miles over the speed limit. We all know that. It’s my fault that I’m stuck like this. My fault that your mother has to work all the hours to keep a roof over our heads. My fault.’

‘Richard, you’re wrong.’

They both turned to look at her mum. ‘You didn’t crash the car. Somebody drove into us. It was sheer bad luck, that’s all. That’s perhaps why we’re so frustrated about it, but that’s all.’

Lily leaned back in her chair. Was that right? Was she feeling guilty for something that wasn’t within her power to change?

‘I think we all just need to forgive ourselves,’ said her dad, ‘for surviving.’

‘Except we didn’t.’ Her mother looked upset. ‘We’re still miserable. It’s almost as if we did die a little in that accident.’

‘But we didn’t,’ said Lily’s dad, reaching out to his wife.

‘No,’ said Celia, nodding slowly as if realising something. ‘You’re right. We need to remember that. And perhaps keep remembering if we’re ever going to move on. And, by God, we need to move on, don’t we?’

As her mum began to cry, Lily and her dad gathered to hug her, and the three of them huddled together for a long while.

‘We have to stop blaming ourselves,’ said Celia finally.

‘And we need to start living again,’ added Lily, thinking of Jack’s words.

He had been right. The endless guilt. The need to punish herself over and over. To keep in control. It was all useless.

She might be out of a job but maybe, just maybe, she had been given a fresh start. As had her parents.

The kiss between her and Jack had just been for old times’ sake. That was all.

They were just friends. And it touched her that he still cared about her like that.

At least, that was what she was hoping. Because her heart wouldn’t be able to cope with being broken by him a second time.

33

Having spoken to her family, Lily knew that she couldn’t put off speaking to Annie and the rest of the Harris family any longer.

It was time to face the music and resign.

Lily felt strong enough to carefully drive back to the Hall, dreading the conversation she was going to have. She had become close to Annie and it made her feel awful that she could upset a friend so much.

The kitchen was empty, and so was the rest of the east wing. Everyone was obviously out and about. So Lily went across the entrance hall and finally found Annie on the sofa in the drawing room with her eyes closed.

Thinking that she didn’t want to disturb her, Lily began to back out of the room but bumped into the door and made a small noise, causing Annie’s eyes to suddenly fly open.

‘Hello,’ she said, sleepily. ‘Come in.’

‘Hi,’ said Lily, tentatively heading across the floor to sit in the armchair opposite the sofa. ‘How are you?’

‘We’re fine,’ said Annie dreamily as she looked down at her baby bump. ‘A little tired, and embarrassed about the fuss yesterday.’

‘It’s your first baby,’ Lily told her. ‘You were right to be concerned.’

‘I know, but everyone was worried and stayed up at the hospital with us.’ Annie gave a start. ‘Oh my God! I nearly forgot! Whilst we were at the hospital, you and your grandad were almost being blown up!’

Lily shook her head. ‘It really wasn’t that dramatic.’