Page 13 of Daydreaming at the Boathouse Cafe

‘When do you expect me to stop?’ asked Alex. ‘When do you think that this will be over?’

His dad looked bemused. ‘When you’ve won, of course.’

Alex laughed but it was without humour. ‘And what if I don’t win?’ he asked.

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ his dad snapped.

‘I’m not,’ replied Alex. ‘I’m being realistic. I’m thirty-four, Dad. I’m not in my twenties any more. There are younger and better competitors than me coming through the sport every year.’

‘Rubbish,’ said his dad before huffing out a sigh. ‘Listen, if you hadn’t got distracted by your friends then you wouldn’t have hurt yourself. But you just need to focus your mind more. Perhaps we can schedule some time to concentrate on your mental state as well as the physical side. That’s where we went wrong.’

Alex stared at his dad for a while, briefly tempted by the lure of any Olympic medal. But in the end, his main thought was that he simply didn’t want to train any more. He was always so very tired all the time. He wanted to rest. He had had enough.

And he knew that if he didn’t put a stop to this now, it was never going to end.

‘I’m finished, Dad,’ he said slowly. ‘I’m not competing ever again.’

‘Yes, you are,’ said his dad, with a firm nod. ‘Of course you are.’

But Alex shook his head. ‘No. I’m done.’ He knew that it was finally the moment to put into words what he had felt for so very long. ‘I want a normal life, Dad, without training schedules and competitions. I want a proper holiday, not a training camp. I want to have a home that I can live in all year round. I want a job that I can take my time with, not sporadic periods of work before jetting off again.’ Alex found that now he had started, he couldn’t stop himself from telling them everything. ‘I want to run and swim for myself, for enjoyment, not to chase another record or medal. I want to be spontaneous with my life. I want a relationship, love and all the joy that could bring me.’ He came to an abrupt stop and sighed. ‘I’m tired, don’t you get that?’

‘It’s just the pain talking,’ snapped his dad. ‘You were born a winner, son. You know that.’

‘No, I don’t know that,’ said Alex, running a hand through his hair. ‘All this time, I was hoping you could be proud of me trying my best, not the winning part.’

‘The winning is the only important bit,’ replied his dad. ‘Take it from me. The failure will eat you up inside if you let it.’

‘I’m not you, Dad!’ Alex took a deep breath. ‘In fact, funnily enough, I am like you because I’ve failed too. You failed and so have I. Neither of us ever achieved our dream. There! We’re the same. Are you happy now?’

His dad stared at him for a moment before the call abruptly cut off. His dad had hung up.

Alex lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with a sigh. All those times and years he had dreamt of saying the truth to his dad. He thought he would be relieved. But right at that moment, he just felt numb.

Perhaps, once the shock had faded for all of them then they would be proud of all they had achieved together. But right now he felt more exhausted than he had ever done before.

7

Hannah wearily came down the stairs the following morning and found Alex slowly making his own descent, at the very bottom.

‘Morning,’ she said, with a yawn.

‘Morning,’ he replied, wincing. He was clearly in pain as he struggled with the boot and crutches.

A few of the hotel guests glanced over at them, not that Hannah was surprised. As usual, Alex didn’t just enter a space, he filled it with his presence and enormous muscles.

But where most people would only see his breadth of shoulder and powerful arms, Hannah knew him well enough to note the shadows under his eyes and the strain that he was trying so hard to hide.

‘Busy night at the pub?’ he asked.

Hannah nodded. ‘Like always. How are you feeling?’

‘Pretty sore,’ he admitted, before giving her a soft smile. ‘If you’ve slept half as badly as I did last night, we both need some caffeine this morning,’ he told her.

It was true, thought Hannah. She had returned from the pub at 1a.m. It had turned out to be her last shift. Before leaving, the manager told her that the pub had been shut down indefinitely due to finance problems and she had been let go from her waitressing job. She hadn’t particularly enjoyed it but at least it had been a steady, if relatively small, income. Now what was she going to do?

‘Are you in much pain?’ asked Hannah.

Alex grimaced. ‘I don’t feel great, to be honest,’ he replied.