Page 89 of A Silence So Divine

The words don’t register right away; all I can do is stare back at her. She can’t possibly be suggesting what I think she is.

Cecil is as silent as I am, his head bowed.

Veda flips the journal's cover open, exposing the first page. I attempt to avert my gaze, but curiosity wins.

Written in a delicate scroll is the first form of communication I have ever had with my mother.

My dove,

Brave the Storm. Put faith in the Stars.

Love,

Mom

Paralyzed with emotions I cannot begin to name, I’m stuck rereading the eleven words. Veda’s hand disappears for a moment, and when it comes back into vision, she has it closed into a fist. Slowly, she unfurls it, revealing a pool of golden chain. The urge to touch it has me reaching before I can think twice.

“What is it?” Cecil asks, inching forward to get a closer look.

The metal is cool against my fingertips, and I hook my index finger beneath it.

It’s a necklace. With it dangling from my finger, a small charm hangs, just as golden as the rest of it. A bird, wings spread in flight, sways in the air. The sunlight beaming through the window catches it, giving the illusion that it’s illuminated from within.

“I thought you might like it. She never took it off.”

There’s a burning in my chest, and I realize I’ve stopped breathing altogether. The edges of my vision have grown hazy, and it’s only remedied by a greedy intake of breath.

Cecil’s eyes are fixed on me, as if he can read my mind. My thoughts are so jumbled that I’m not even able to decipher them myself.

There’s two streams of consciousness at war within me. One version is drowning in the grief, and the betrayal, and the guilt. The other is treading water, swimming to the edge where the memories of my mother lie on the shore. And Veda’s there, holding a life jacket.

For the first time in my life, I know who my mother was, and I almost wish I didn’t.

Papa was right. Iamselfish.

“I think this is enough for one day.” Cecil’s voice is gruff, and even though he phrases it like a suggestion, it’s a command. He stacks the books, scooping them into his arms.

Veda looks chagrined, resting her forehead in her palm.

“Just…” She deflates, dropping her clasped hands to the table with a thud. “Read the journal. Read the books. I swear, it will help.”

I nod dumbly, pushing myself to stand on numb limbs. Cecil’s free hand closes around my upper arm, steering me towards the door.

“I would thank you, but I’m not sure you deserve it,” Cecil grumbles over his shoulder.

The scoot of a chair sounds, and then Veda is rushing to get in front of us. She touches her fingertips to my arm, and I reflexively jerk back to break the contact. Hurt flashes in her eyes, but she doesn’t touch me again.

“Your mother never knew happiness until she embraced her Gift. It’s in your soul, Eden—”

“That’s enough.”

“Listen!” Veda snaps, putting up a hand. “It’s not Evil, or Darkness, it justis. It’syou. The sooner you stop smothering yourself, the sooner you’ll breathe freely.”

How could I ever embrace something that only serves to harm others? How could that be anything but Evil?

She turns her attention to the man at my side.

“Eden wouldn’t let anything happen to you, so I expect you to return the favor.” Her eyes travel down, where his fingers have laced with mine. When did that happen? “Though I suspect that won’t be a problem.”