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“We ran a screen,” he continued, “and your levels were through the roof, Cricket.”
She nodded as if she expected this.
“I want to do an ultrasound within the hour or so.”
“Okay,” she said.
He squeezed her foot and waved to everyone else. “I’ll be back,” he said. “Hang tight.”
Ellie looked at Cricket and sighed. “I know,” Cricket said, smiling. “Everything will be okay,” she told Ellie, who began to cry. “Oh, Grandma, things are different now.”
“They feel the same,” she said, swiping beneath her eyes.
“Medicine has improved, Grandma. This is not a death sentence.”
Ellie reached forward and grabbed her other hand. Cricket squeezed her hand, then turned to me.
“This is how my mother died,” she said, shocking me to my core.
I swallowed, my mouth bone dry. “How old was your mother?” I rasped.
“My age when she was diagnosed,” she answered.
I nodded, my eyes burning. “And this?”
“Yes, she died of advanced kidney disease.” She squeezed my hand tightly. “Did you hear what I said?” she asked. “This is not a death sentence.”
“What does this all mean then?”
“Well,” she said, turning away from me, avoiding my eyes, “I’ll need a transplant more than likely.”
“And, uh, do you have one in mind?”
She looked at me but barely. “I’m on a list.”
Ellie stood when her cell phone rang. “It’s your Pop Pop. He’ll be downstairs with everyone and he brought clothing for me. Will you be okay?” she asked Cricket.
“Yes, I’ve got Spencer.”
Ellie smiled at me. “I’ll be right back.”
She left the room and slid the door shut.
A few minutes later, a nurse came in and took Cricket for an ultrasound, returning her in half an hour.
When they settled her back into place, I leaned up and pressed my face into Cricket’s neck. I smelled her, felt her warmth, listened to her inhale and exhale and kissed her throat then sat back down. I needed all my senses to recognize her.
“Tell me the truth,” I said, my voice shaking. “Was Ethan your living donor?”
Her body went still and she studied me for way too long.
“Cricket,” I pleaded.
She audibly sighed. “He was. No one matched me except Pop Pop, and he was denied because of his age. Ethan was willing.”
My eyes stung severely. “I caused that.”
“You didn’t,” she said, palming my face. She bent forward and kissed my mouth. “I chose to release him, Spencer. It wasn’t fair for me to ask that of him when I wasn’t in love with him the way he was in love with me.”
