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“Probably just a little after,” I corrected.
Bridge speared me with a look, silently beckoning me to shut my trap.
I got out and ran to the other side and let Bridge and Cricket out. There were two entrances, one for the drug store on the first floor and another with a narrow staircase leading to the second floor doctor’s office. We all climbed the stairs, our boots echoing in loud booms in the small enclosed space. The top of the stairs had a small landing and a frosted glass door. It read Marshall Harmon, M.D. and centered underneath his name it continued, Obstetrician-Gynecologist. Everything in me as a dude screamed to run.
We walked in and approached a little metal desk. It looked like something you’d find in a teacher’s classroom in the fifties.
“Cricket!” the little receptionist with the beehive chirped. Her eyes slid to Bridge and she stood. “You must be Miss Blackwell. Come on back. Dr. Harmon’s been expecting you.”
Bridge followed her, the wood creaking beneath their feet.
“You’re going to be all right?” Cricket asked her.
“I’ll be fine,” Bridge offered with a small smile. She stopped. “I don’t know how long I’m going to be. You guys should run those errands, Spencer.”
“Oh. Okay,” I said.
I watched her walk to the room by herself, and I felt so heartbroken for her going in there alone. My mom should have been here. I hated my dad for that. I hated the boy who did it to Bridge, even if he wasn’t all to blame.
I thought back to all the times I’d slept with a girl and not thought twice about it and my gut ached. If a girl doesn’t safeguard herself, who will? I’d always had the mentality that men will change when women change, but I never thought about how safeguarding the girls around me was just as much my responsibility as it was theirs.
I looked over at Cricket. I studied the girl before me. She was beautiful beyond belief, but she wasn’t some object to conquer, she was someone to be cherished, someone to be loved, someone to be revered. I wondered if Ethan did all that for her. I wondered if she gave all that in return to him, and that made my blood burn in my veins. That initial attraction between us was apparent, no doubt, but I wondered if I should give up on trying. I wondered if my infatuation for her even had a future, especially because she was with Ethan.
My mama would always say, “Whether they’re aware of it or not, if their heart beats your name, answer the call.” Stupidly, I always thought that meant any girl was pretty much open game, but I understood in that moment that it meant that nothing was ever final.
Did I want to rock the boat, though? Her whole family loved Ethan, and everyone was being so generous by letting us hide out there. What are you doing? I asked myself. This whole thing is about Bridge. Get out. Make your future. Stop obsessing over this girl. Focus.
“I know an outfitter just down the road. Close enough to walk,” Cricket said. “We can get you some decent working clothes if you’re up to it.”
“That’s fine,” I said, feeling deflated.
I followed Cricket out, knowing that although I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anyone else, she was far too out of reach. I had goals.
I constructed a hundred-foot steel wall between us and sealed all the bolts, leaving only Bridge and myself on my side. Who cared if I could still hear Cricket’s heart beating my name loudly as a drum on the other side?
Chapter Seventeen
At the outfitter, Cricket helped me find a couple pairs of decent jeans. I refused the Wranglers because I looked ridiculous. She also found a few shirts, long johns (I’m not shitting you), a wool-lined suede jacket, which seemed pretty standard among the other hands, and two pairs of sturdy work boots. I’d noticed most of the ranch hands would wear a bandana-like scarf instead of anything long. I assumed this was for practical reasons and told Cricket I’d like the same as well.
She came up with a couple of cowboy hats, but I couldn’t bring myself to wear one. I looked comical in them. I tried one on and did a little jig, trying to lighten the moment. Cricket laughed and my gut twisted. I took it off immediately, desperate to get her lovely voice out of my head.
I settled for a fleece-lined visor beanie instead. She said those were pretty common around the ranch, so I wouldn’t stand out or anything, to which I was grateful. I didn’t want to stand out anymore than I already was.
“What about chaps?” I asked.
She looked at me, waiting for a cheeky remark, but I held a stoic expression. She cleared her throat. “We’ve got a million pairs back at home. Ellie makes them herself.”
“No shit! She’s pretty talented.”
“At everything she does.”
I nodded.
“I’ll pay for these then,” I said, dragging the rest of the stuff toward the front.
o;Good job, greenhorn,” Jonah said, slapping me on the back.
“Dude, what in the hell is a greenhorn?” I asked, eyeing Cricket as we made our way toward the main house for breakfast.
