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“I just remembered. I don’t need anything from my locker,” she said stoically.
She turned and walked off, her hair brushing my arm as she stalked away. Even her hair bit with the literal electricity we shared.
“See you second period!” I yelled, very satisfied at the seemingly meaningless conversation. I knew the truth though. There were deeper meanings behind everything she did, the little she had said, and the way her body avoided mine, avoided the touch that she was obviously denying existed. She was scared. Can’t tell you how I knew it, she didn’t wear the emotion at all but she was scared and I had plans to change that. Jules was beginning to infect my brain and the only antidote I could think to alleviate the pain was more Jules. I went to first period alone with my own thoughts and a smile that caught the attention of every girl I walked by.
Walking to Mrs. Kitt’s class felt like the longest trip of my life. My legs felt heavy with anticipation knowing the fight that Jules was probably going to put up, but I was ready. Metaphorical punches, mom. Metaphorical. I had no clue what I was going to say to her. I could think of no plan of action during first period and ultimately decided to go with my gut. I hesitated slightly because unplanned conversations with Jules had proved disastrous before, i.e. the teeth debacle, but winging it at her locker didn’t turn out so badly so I went with my instinct.
I had a good feeling she’d bring up the bookstore and I had at least planned on being honest there. I didn’t care if she believed me or not. Either way, I wasn’t going to let her make me feel like I purposely did it and that was that.
lf smile fell from my face.
“What happened Robyn?”
“I was ready to have the baby. It wasn’t the snotty nosed kid’s fault, ya’ know?” She said through tears. “Anyway,” she continued, “I planned on giving it up for adoption. It just felt like what I needed to do, for me, anyway. My choice was to fix the mess I had made and the only way I could really be okay with that was by giving it up.”
I’m surprised by this.
“You’re kind of a bad ass you know that?”
“I felt like one.” She smiled. “The friend I told you about earlier encouraged me to give it up when I was struggling with what to do, even went with me to the adoption agency and everything. He helped show me that making the hardest decision of my life could also be about giving the greatest gift of my life. I was really happy, truly happy Julia. No regrets.” She wiped more tears away. “I was about three months along when I miscarried.”
“Oh Robyn, I’m so, so sorry.”
“I am too. Honestly, it felt so good to think I could give my child what my mom never could. I’m the way I am because that’s the way she is, ya’ know?”
I nodded before prodding her shoulder with mine.
“You still can you know.”
“What?” She asked.
“Give your children what your mom couldn’t. Just wait a little while,” I winked encouragingly.
She laughed and pushed her bangs from her forehead.
“Trust me. I’ve never been as clearheaded in my life as I am right now.”
“Well, clearheaded Robyn, now you have a somewhat clearheaded friend to take the journey with you.”
We both grin at our feet but when I look up, I see Robyn’s friend smiling at the two of us. His blue eyes freeze with mine and my breath catches in my throat.
“So,” Robyn says, peering in Elliott’s direction, “Elliott Gray tells me you like to paint.”
“He....He told you that?”
Elliott looks away like he knew we were talking about him. I glance back at Robyn.
“Yeah, says you’re really talented.”
“He said that?”
“Yeah, he’s the one who asked me to paint your locker for you.”
“What! Robyn, that was you?" I friend-hit her. "You are amazing. Do you know that?”
“Not as amazing as you from what he says,” she jokes. “He rambled on and on while I did it. ‘Did you know Julia has painted since she was seven?’ or ‘Did you know that Julia has her own studio?’. I have to admit, by the end of it, I was ready to pull out my hair as well as his.”
We both laughed.
