Page 37 of Blue in the Deep Blue Sea

She stood so abruptly the cigarette ash scattered onto the floor. Before I could move, her hand struck my cheek.

Behind me, Isabella gasped.

She knew things between my mother and me were bad, but from the sound of it, she hadn’t realized just how bad.

“You are leaving this instant and going to that yacht to work. I raised you all by myself. You owe me that much.” She sat back down on the sofa as if nothing had happened. “Besides, all your clothes are already packed. You either leave for work, or you leave to sleep on the streets.”

There wasn’t a single ounce of fight left in me.

I stepped back and walked to the suitcase, wrapping my fingers around the worn leather handle.

A tear slipped down my cheek.

She hadn’t spared a single thought for what working on that yacht would mean for me. How every wave would tighten my chest. How every day at sea would force me to live inside my worst fear.

And this time, I couldn’t even tell myself she didn’t know.

Sometimes I wondered if she hated me because she saw herself in me, and she hated herself just enough to treat me this way.

Or maybe she hated that I was still young. That I was still free enough to leave, and she was stuck. The years had been taken from her, spent trying to keep us afloat. Even if she had been there, she hadn’t really been with us.

In the end, we raised each other.

I exhaled. “Let’s go,” I told Isabella.

She turned around, let out a breath, then shouted toward my mom, “I hope you choke on that money. Gabby will always have a place to stay, you ungrateful potato of a woman.”

My mother just laughed.

“Bye-bye.”

My hands clenched into fists. My skin prickled with anger.

Isabella took the suitcase from my hand and carried it out of the apartment.

“You can stay with me.”

My steps were slow, as if I still expected my own mother to change her mind at the last second, even though deep down I knew she never would.

After closing the door behind me, I followed Isabella into the hallway, tears running down my cheeks. We stopped halfway down when she turned to face me.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Isa…” I whispered, sinking onto the stairs.

She set my suitcase on the bottom step, climbed back up, and sat beside me.

“The good thing is we’ll be working together,” she said. “It’ll give us a chance to find out what happened to Gianni, and neither of us will be alone.” She nudged my shoulder gently. “It’s only a week.”

“Just promise me you won’t tell anyone about my phobia.” I swallowed hard. “I’m always afraid someone will use it against me.”

“I promise.” She pulled me into a hug. When she leaned back, she searched my face. “Now let’s get to my place before it gets too late. You’re afraid of the sea, and I’m afraid of the dark.”

I let out a quiet laugh and wiped away my tears as I followed her out of the house.

By the time we stepped outside, dusk had settled over the coast.

I glanced at her, searching her face for any sign of unease. I found only the slightest hint of it.

I wanted to ask how she managed to live with her own phobia, but before I could, she spoke.