Page 95 of Blue in the Deep Blue Sea

He looked down at me, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Does this mean there are no more secrets between us?” I whispered, lacing my fingers through his hand.

He swallowed, his gaze moving away.

I pushed myself up and shuffled closer until my thigh brushed his. Lifting my hand, I cupped his jaw, guiding his face back towards me with the tips of my fingers.

“You can talk to me.”

“No,” he whispered. “Not if it means you hate me all over again.”

“Is your secret really that bad? Bad enough to risk losing me over it?” I asked, holding his gaze.

“Fuck.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, slammed both palms over his face, then dragged them down twice with a shaky breath.

“Promise you won’t get mad.”

“I can’t promise that when you’re acting like it’s something terrible.”

“It isn’t that bad,” he sighed. “It’s just…”

“Tell me,” I said softly, resting my palm against his chest.

His heart hammered beneath my hand. It was fast and uneven. Frightened.

A thousand possibilities raced through my mind, yet the panic thudding beneath my fingertips told me the truth before he ever spoke. Whatever he was about to say was worse than anything that went through my mind.

“Okay,” he whispered, turning to face me. “Do you remember when Nikki came to the Light Festival in 2001?”

I nodded, my fingers tightening against his shirt at the mere mention of her.

“A month before that, she came to one of my parties. We slept together,” he said, swallowing hard before forcing himself to continue. “Then, that night at the Light Festival she came to find me and told me she was pregnant.”

Something cinched painfully around my chest, even though I still didn’t know where the story was leading.

“She decided to keep the baby, but I didn’t want it. I told her it was never part of my plan. I pushed her so far away that she ended up in London, and she never let me see him.”

His words sliced through me like razor sharp glass shards.

“Him?” I whispered as tears slipped down my cheeks.

“Yes,” he said quietly. “I have a son.”

My jaw tightened as my lips parted. A hollow, broken laugh escaped me, and I took a step back from him.

“I still take care of them financially, but I’ve never seen him. When she gave birth, my assistant called to ask if I wanted to name him. I suggested a few names, but that’s all I’ve ever been in his life,” he said, his voice trembling as he searched my face. “I wanted to see him a few times, but Nikki stopped me.”

I blinked twice, trying to hold back the tears, and just stared at him in silence.

“Say something.”

He reached for my hand, but I pulled away, struggling to get to my feet. The moment I stood, I dragged my injured foot behind me, limping away.

“Please.”

He got up and tried to catch me, but I slipped out of his reach.