Page 147 of With the Assist

Except, I hadn’t held on to it at all.

Coach Folley claps his hands once. “Get some rest. You’ve got a future ahead of you.”

“Yes, sir.”

He leaves me there, alone again, the field stretching wide and quiet around me.

I lie back down, the grass brushing my shoulders, and close my eyes. This was the right choice. The pain is temporary, and sacrifice is part of the deal.

I don’t know how long it’s supposed to hurt before it stops feeling like I gave everything up instead of choosing it.

40

Nathan

Liam is worried about me. He didn’t say it outright, but he’s insisted on hanging out every night this week. It was fine when that involved staying home and ordering something greasy, but now I wish he’d just leave me alone.

The pitying look in his eyes is the only reason I agreed to go tonight. It’s Becca’s birthday, and she wants the boys there. It’s my fault, really. Wesley and I let our teams get too friendly, and now, I’m paying the price.

I’ve already tried to get out of it twice. I would’ve tried again, but Liam told me that Wesley is completely fine with me being there.

It shouldn’t matter, but it does. Because if she’s fine with it, if it doesn’t matter to her, then I’m sure as hell not going to let it matter to me.

I can’t say I’m surprised. Being okay is Wesley to a T. That woman could block out any emotion without blinking. I was a problem but ghosting me solved it. She’s probably moved on and classified me as a two-month mistake. Nothing more.

Getting ready took longer than necessary because I couldn’t stop standing in front of my closet, trying to find the right shirt. I hate that I cared. I hate that I even registered which shirt looked better, but Iput on the black button-down anyway. It’s just a shirt, but sitting in Liam’s car outside the bar, I smooth it down too many times for it to be casual.

We make our way inside, finding it packed. Becca has gotten the bar to rope off a section in the back for her, and most of my teammates are already here. Music is thumping through the walls, bass rattling the windows.

Becca said it would be a small get-together, which apparently means the whole damn city. Wyatt is slumped down in the corner, sipping on what I’m sure is not his first beer. Over by the bar, Avery and Haley chatter away with a couple of guys I don’t recognize.

I clock the exits and the time, wondering how long I have to stay before Liam will detach himself from my side so I can go home.

“Relax,” Liam says, bumping my shoulder. “You should be having fun.”

“I am relaxed.”

“Sure you are.”

Wyatt grins as he saunters up to us. “I’m surprised you showed up. I thought this might cut into your self-scheduled wallowing time.”

I glare at him as he flashes a sarcastic smile and pats my shoulder.

We push toward the bar. I order a beer I don’t want and take a sip that tastes like nothing. My grin feels forced, because it is, but dammit if I’m not trying to be the version of me that existed before her.

It works for about thirty seconds.

Until I see Wesley.

So, this is what fine looks like.

She’s near the back, half-turned toward one of her teammates, laughing at something I can’t hear. Her hair is pulled back, and she’s tanner, probably from spending all of last week in the sun. I picture her at Future’s Camp, hoping she did well. I wish I were still the person she’d call to talk to about it.

My chest tightens before I can stop it.

She doesn’t see me at first, or maybe she does and pretends not to. Either way, the effect is the same. I stand there, beer sweating inmy hand, feeling like I’ve been dropped into the wrong scene of my own life.

Liam follows my gaze. “She doesn’t seem bothered.”