Page 46 of The Widower of Pemberley

“Jane, I beg you, do not try to make me unhappy. I have chosen this path.”

“A woman may withdraw without much shame after an engagement has been established. It is not like it is for the man. Write a note to Mr. Darcy telling him that you apologise but that upon greater consideration you cannot in fact accept his offer.”

“I shall not.”

“But you will not say that you have affection for him?”

“I certainly have more affection and liking for him than I do for Mr. Collins, and I was full ready to be led byhimto the altar. If I was determined uponthatexpedient to protect us all from poverty—not only you but Mama and Kitty and Lydia and Mary as well—you cannot imagine that I would shy away from a man whose conversation I find fascinating, a handsome man, and one whose family I like exceedingly. His flaws are nothing next to the appearance of Mr. Collins.”

“Do you find him so fascinating?” Jane’s tone was hopeful.

Elizabeth sighed. “The two of us will get on happily together. But he has made it clear to me that he does not love me and that he marries to gain a mother for Emily and the chance of an heir. Though he promised prettily that he will not despise me and that he will see that if I only have female children, they are well settled.”

“Oh, Lizzy.” Rather than reassuring her at all, this speech sent Jane into despair, and she tightly embraced Elizabeth. “My poor Lizzy.”

“I shall not shy away from my choice.”

Jane cried on Elizabeth’s shoulder. “I sometimes hate that I did not die when the pox took me. Then I would not burden you so.”

“No, no, no! Do not say such a thing!”

Jane cried, but Elizabeth refused to let herself shed a tear over such an absurd notion.

When Elizabeth walked to her father’s bedroom to sit by him, she found little remained of the glowing mood that Mr. Darcy’s kiss had given her.

The next day was more cheerful.

Having made a point of getting up to walk around the bed several times the previous day, Mr. Bennet dared to make the great expedition from his bedroom across the hall to the drawing room.

He made this quest supported only by Elizabeth on the weak side and Mary on the strong. He managed with some fatigue.

With a great deal of help from Elizabeth, he settled onto the same sofa on which he had been placed after his attack, then closed his eyes, but his breathing was regular.

Mrs. Bennet was in an excellent mood, and she chattered about how delighted she was by Elizabeth’s engagement, and while her husband did not open his eyes or say anything, he smiled a little.

There was a sense that with the sick man in the room, everyone must be quiet, and after a while Kitty and Lydia walked into the town, and Mr. Bennet sat up enough to encourage Mr. Collins to go with them.

Following the departure of their cousin, he took a proper nap.

The room was quite peaceful, though a little odd as Mr. Bennet seldom napped during the day and never in the drawing room.

Elizabeth watched the rise and fall of his chest.

Hope had emerged. Maybe he would not suffer from another attack.

Too early. Too early to hope.

Another attack could come at any minute.

It was a cruel torment that the world was so constituted that one who survived such a fit of apoplexy was at great risk of having a further one as soon as they had begun to recover.

It would be better, in Elizabeth’s view, if one either inevitably died in short course or always survived, rather than having the sword of Damocles hanging over them for a great length of time.

A short while after Kitty and Lydia departed to find pleasures in Meryton, Georgiana arrived with Emily.

Fearing that the little girl would wake her father, Elizabeth walked out to meet them and was immediately attacked by Emily. “Play! Play, Miss Lizzy!”

Elizabeth laughed and picked her up. “I shall chase you, and you will hide. My papa is taking a nap.”