Page 89 of Nothing to Win

Her gaze sank to her reflection in her wine.“I can’t have the life I want.”

“Sure you can and Rox’ll tell you the same.”

“Oh, God.”Guilt slammed her.“We left Roxie downstairs alone.”

“Roxanna Kyst-Lomond?Alone?Shit, not in the last two years.”

“She’s been so good to me and—”

“Trust me, Roxie wants you to have what you need.”Even if that wasn’t dancing in the dark.“You have people, a circle.We help each other out around here.With enough work, you can accomplish anything.According to my dad anyway.I haven’t tested the theory, but I’m told he’s pretty smart.”

Another laugh.His charm disarmed and consoled at the same time.Direction, that was one thing she didn’t have.How come she hadn’t noticed that until this moment?

“What do you want out of life?”she asked.

“Wow, you really turn it on with this interrogations stuff.”No doubt he was used to the questions going the other way.“I’m a simple guy.Happy with a beer in my hand…”

“And a woman on your lap?”

“Steady diet, everything in moderation.Simple guy, simple pleasures.What do you want?Or what do you think you can’t have?”

A choice?Clam up or surrender to the safe circle?

“It’s men,” she said, landing her glass on the table behind the couch.“You do this—how do you—you screw with our minds.”

“Yeah, that can go both ways.”

Surging to her feet, she couldn’t quell her unsated energy.“You hide and don’t tell us—how can everything be completely fine one minute and completely over the next?How do you do that?Switch things like—how do you do that?”

“Brog had his reasons.”

“And why couldn’t he share them, huh?Why couldn’t he tell me the truth?Maybe we could’ve figured out what…” She exhaled some of that agitation.“We could’ve figured it out together.”

“Sometimes there’s nothing to figure out.”

Truth.What was she expecting?If he was done, he was done.And they’d been close to their end date anyway.Did it really matter he’d pulled the trigger a couple of weeks early?What difference did it make?None, that’s what.To him anyway.To her…

“Being with Brogan showed me a different way.I felt like part of something important.He gave me choice and security…” Until he took it away.“At home I…” She came to slump back on the sofa.“It’s so stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.If it’s the truth, if it’s honest, it’s not stupid.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’m a Breckenridge.We’re all about support, not judgment.We make a point of looking out for each other.There are a lot of us, so we’ve seen it all, a whole lot of all.”

“Does it stifle you?”

His eyebrows rose.“Being a Breckenridge?Hell, no.We’re different, all of us, and are never made to apologize for that.Each individual is taken as they are.And if we tried to play anyone else, Mom would notice and Dad would end that shit fast.”

“You’re lucky.”

“I know it’s not that way for everyone.Without it, if it was taken away from me, from any of us…”

“There are a lot of Breckenridges.”And somehow they all loved each other.“Do you get along?Honestly get along?”

“Not just for appearances?”he asked.“We disagree sometimes, don’t always share the same opinions but… It’s corny, but my mom’s all about communication.Doesn’t matter if we’re in agreement so long as we’re showing respect.”

She could have this conversation all night.It was fascinating to learn about a family so foreign to hers.