Page 41 of My Weakness

I’ve got so many emotions running through my body right now and I’m not handling it well. As soon as we got back to his apartment, I told River I had plans with the girls and left; I didn’t even give him time to respond before the front door was slamming shut behind me.

“Ava, sweetie, what is it?” Bella’s softly spoken words break me out of my state of stupor.

“He’s building me a house.”

They stare at me blankly, each of them not understanding what I mean — honestly, I’m still not sure I understand it, either.

“Here.” I slide the folder he gave me, the folder he’s been working on foryears,across the table to them.

“What’s this?” Harper queries.

“I’m still not sure I understand it. Ju-just take a look.” I trip over my words. I can’t believe how much this has affected me.

The girls lean their heads closer together as they open the book, a frown marring their beautiful features as they flick through it.

“Holy shit,” Mia breathes when they’re about halfway through it. “You love this.” She goes back a couple pages, like she’s confirming something. “Everything in here is perfect for you.”

“Everything in there is something I’ve marked in a magazine, commented on or spoke about, and he’s remembered every single time. He’s building a house that looks exactly like every photo in there. He’s building a house for me. For us.” They just stare at me, their mouths hanging open slightly in shock.

“And you’re sitting here with us, because…?” Mia splutters.

“Because I don’t know what the fuck to do with this.” My hand waves over the folder.

“You suck his cock, that’s what you do. Ava, I love you, I really do, but you cannot seriously still be doubting if this is real?” Mia’s words carry a hint of disbelief to them, I don’t blame her, though.

“I’m with Mia. That man deserves the world’s best blowjob, every day, for a month.” Harper is looking at me with shock still written over her face.

“I’d personally go for a year,” Bella pipes up.

“So, I’ll ask again. Why are you still sitting here?”

“Because I’m freaking out, because this makes it real and I don’t know how I feel about that. River wants forever, and he’s not someone I ever considered that with.”

Bella reaches across the table and takes my hands in her own. “No one knows if we get forever, but we all get a right now, and if it’s good? If it’s what we love? We hold onto it and we hope we get it for a really fucking long time. River is yourright now, Ava, and it turns out he’s a good one, great in fact. Don’t let him go, sweetie. You’ll only regret it.”

“I need to go.” My words are rushed. They’re right, I should be with him, with the man who loves me.

“That’s our girl,” Mia shouts after me. “Go and suck some cock.”

I’m laughing at her words as I rush out of the bar.

Chapter Twenty-eight

River

I did not see today going like that.

I’m on my couch nursing a glass of scotch and wondering where the fuck it all went wrong. I thought taking her to see the house would be a good thing, that it would help me convince her that she’s always been it for me. Instead, she ran like I’d just told her I wanted to set a litter of puppies on fire. I’m amazed the door didn’t hit her on the way out.

I’m starting to think that maybe she’ll never want me, not the same way I want her, anyway. Not with every fiber of her being,like she might struggle for every breath unless I’m by her side. I don’t know how I’ll ever move on from her if I’m not what she wants. How do you move on from the one woman who is destined for you? Who doesn’t just bring color into your other wise grey world but makes it fuckingshine.

I need her to be mine, but I need her towantto be even more.

A knock at my door has my gut tightening in expectation. There are very few people who come by unannounced, and right now I’m praying it’s my little brat.

I open the door ready to grab her and let her know how not okay it is to run from me, but I’m pulled up short by the woman on the other side of my threshold.

“Stacey? What are you doing here?”