Page 56 of After the Spy Seduces

How impossible for her.

No matter that he’d proven himself to be a hero and that the general respected him. No matter that she had come to trust him with her life—and now, in saving Meri, with her heart. His life was not his own. Not as long as he remained in service to the Crown. He could be sent away wherever and whenever Whitehall needed him. How could she live with the uncertainty of never knowing when he would come home…or if? Of the constant upheaval his work would bring to her life and Meri’s?

There was no future for her and Christopher. Fate ended all hope of that before any chance at a life together had even begun.

But knowing that didn’t stop her from wanting him. Or prevent her foolish heart from loving him.

She stopped and faced him, her hands clutching at his waistcoat to emphasize how much he meant to her, how much faith she had in him. “You could have everything you want, if you let yourself.”

Before she could lose her courage, she rose onto her tiptoes and kissed him.

Kit didn’t move,taken completely by surprise. He let her kiss him, her lips soft and delicate as they moved entreatingly against his. Almost imploringly. As if she could convince him through her kiss of how much faith she held in him.

He wanted nothing more than to believe her. Yet he knew the truth. He had no future.

“Diana, stop.” Her name was a plea for mercy as his shoulders sagged, as the full effect of her hit him like a brick—the desire and longing to possess her in ways that were more than merely physical, to be with her not just for tonight but the rest of his life.

Something deep inside him shattered, and as the pieces of his heart fell away like shards of glass, he saw fully for the first time all that he could never have.

The loss of her was excruciating.

Clutching her shoulders in his hands, he rasped out, “I can’t be the man you need.”

“I don’t want you to be anything but yourself.”

The irony pierced him. Ten years of living a lie, of pretending to be someone he wasn’t…until Diana. Until it was too late.

His hands dropped to his sides. “I can’t be that either.”

Her eyes glistened in the lamplight. But she couldn’t find the words either of them needed to gain solace in the double-cross fate had played on them.

“We should go back to the hotel.” He looked away, before she could see the grief on his face. “We could both use some rest.”

She hesitated, and for a moment, he held his breath, fearing that she would press for answers, and what the hell was he supposed to tell her if she did? That he loved her, and loved her enough to sacrifice everything to keep her and her daughter safe?

But thank God she could sense that he didn’t want to discuss this and acquiesced quietly, “All right.”

He took her arm to lead her out of the festival.

They were pushed together because of the crush of bodies that filled the fairgrounds and pressed in on them from all sides. She walked beside him, close enough that her skirt brushed against his legs, and she occasionally bumped against him when the crowd jostled them.

But she felt a thousand miles away, completely out of his reach, and the gulf stretching between them grew wider with every panging heartbeat. Yet he tightened his hold on her elbow. He wouldn’t abandon her until he was forced to.

She halted suddenly, her eyes growing wide and her mouth falling open as she stared ahead into the crowd.

“Garrett?” She shook off his hand and took a tentative step forward, as if she couldn’t believe her eyes. Then relief melted over her face, and she cried out hoarsely as she started forward, “Garrett!”

“Diana, wait!” But she slipped through Kit’s fingers as he grabbed for her arm and dashed forward into the crowd before he could stop her, disappearing among the sea of bodies.

Chapter 17

Her heart leapt into her throat.Garrett.He was here!

Diana pushed through the throng of people crowding between the rows of stalls and tents. But after every step she took, the crush closed in around her and she couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of her. The sea of people made searching the crowd of faces even more difficult. But her brother was here. Sheknewit!

Not a trick of her eyes, not an illusion—she’d recognize Garrett anywhere. Even here.

She hurried across the fairgrounds, glancing around her in every direction for any glimpse of him. Her heart pounded so hard that she could barely take a breath between the fierce beats that ricocheted in her chest. Dear God, wherewashe? But he was safe and alive, and she desperately wanted to hug him to her in relief. And then throttle him for making them all worry so much.