Page 69 of An Unexpected Earl

She turned in his arms and buried her face against his shoulder, desperately needing the strength of his embrace and his steadiness.

“None of it matters anyway,” she murmured, slipping her arms around his waist to pull herself even closer. If she could have found a way to crawl beneath his skin, she would have done it. “Even if what he did could be considered cruelty, the divorce proceedings would be public. All of what happened would come to light.” Her hands clutched at his back, her anchor in the storm. “I’d be branded as immoral for eloping, my reputation ruined. And when society learns that he took my money and left me, they’ll all say that I deserved it. Just deserts for an upstart cit attempting to wheedle her way into theton.” A sob choked in her throat. “I’ll be a laughingstock. No one will shop at my store. The charity will be ruined.”

Pearce said nothing. But therewasnothing to say. They both knew she was right.

“Freddie will be destroyed right along with me,” she added, her whisper barely loud enough to reach him. “That’s why we hid it, never breathing a word to anyone. Freddie only has his seat in Parliament because of his connections. He didn’t buy it as everyone thinks because we didn’t have the money after I eloped. But if the men who put him there ever think that his reputation has been tainted by mine, his influence limited in any way, he’ll lose his seat. For all of that, we both had to keep my mistake hidden. But a divorce hearing…” An anguished sound rose from the back of her throat. “Our lives will be ruined.”

“This is what you meant when you told me that your brother took care of you,” he said quietly, “when you had financial trouble.”

“I couldn’t tell you the truth. Not then.” She didn’t lift her head from his shoulder, afraid of the recrimination she’d see on his face. “I was so ashamed of admitting what had happened, how stupid I’d been.”

“You trusted a man you loved, one you thought loved you.” He placed a kiss to her temple. “There’s no fault in that.”

She shook her head against his shoulder. “I can’t escape him. Don’t you see? I don’t care about the money. I’d surrender every ha’penny just to be free of him, but I can’t escape! And I can’t marry anyone else.” She sucked in a pained breath and confessed her darkest secret… “Do you have any idea how horrible it is to live day to day praying for a man to die just so you can be free?” She shuddered, the guilt overwhelming. “What kind of evil person does that make me? That I would be happy if he were dead?”

Pearce touched her chin and lifted her head gently to place a soothing kiss to her lips. “It doesn’t make you evil. It makes you human.” Another kiss, and this time, she tasted forgiveness. “But that can’t be the only way out of this marriage. Wewillfind another one. Together.”

Oh, how she wished that were true! How desperately she wanted to claim back the life that had been denied her with Pearce.

But she knew better. She’d spent too many years desperately attempting to find a way, only to hit dead ends at every turn. There was no hope for them.

Fairy tales and wishes never came true.

“I’mmarried.” She stepped back, slipping free of his arms. “Nothing can change that. Divorce, annulment—both are impossible for me.”

He fixed his solemn eyes on her. “I don’t care as long as you’re with me.”

She stilled in disbelief, stunned, as his true meaning dawned on her. What he was proposing shook through her, churning and roiling. No, he couldn’t possibly be suggesting—

And she couldn’t possibly accept.

“What you’re proposing…” Grief threatened to overwhelm her. “A pretend marriage, never able to give you a legitimate heir, worried at every turn that someone would find out and your reputation would be ruined—” The grief spilled over, and so did her tears. “I’ve done it. I’ve lived that lie for years, and I don’t ever want that for us.”

“I don’t give a damn about any of that.”

“But I do. For you.” She pressed her fist against her breast as her heart pounded eagerly at the temptation of what he was proposing. Dear God, she wanted nothing more than to be with him! Butneverlike that. “You finally have the life you were meant to have, the respect you’ve always deserved. I won’t take that away from you. I won’t risk it.”

He dropped his gaze pointedly down her front to her belly. “We might not have a choice if you’re with child.”

She placed her hand over her belly, as if a babe already grew there. A child to love and raise…His child.

Happiness at the thought immediately died beneath her anguish. Her hand dropped away as she whispered desolately, “I’m not that lucky.”

“I won’t let you go, Amelia, do you understand?” He cupped her face between his hands, and she clamped her eyes shut to hold back the flood of tears. “Neveragain. Your husband and your brother can both be damned for all I care.”

He leaned in to kiss her, to prove that he meant every word. On his lips she tasted all the love he carried for her and his steely resolve to keep his promise.

But it wasn’t enough. He wanted to rescue her, but in this, she would save him.

“No,” she whispered, clasping his wrists to pull his hands away and break the embrace that had become torturous. “It’s over for us.” Once again finished before their future had the chance to even begin. “Tonight was amazing…and wonderful,” she choked out, “and you have no idea how very special it is to be with you…to be loved by you.”

She took a step back, to put distance between them before she lost all strength and collapsed to the floor in sobs. Or worse, before she rushed back into his arms. Because if she did, she would be lost.

“But that’s all it can be—only tonight.” The distraught expression that darkened his face nearly undid her. “Thisis why I didn’t want to tell you about Aaron. Because I know that nothing can be done about him.”

He reached for her. “Amelia—”

She pulled her arm back before his fingers could touch her. But her flesh tingled anyway, a pain as excruciating as what she’d carried with her all these years. A ghost pain. The same felt by soldiers who had lost a limb but still felt its presence. A part of them that would always be missing yet also forever with them.