Page 38 of Twice Upon a Midnight

“And?” Ella asked with barely concealed anguish, still at the window and as far away from this conversation as she could possibly be without running from the room.

“I told him that all decisions would be yours to make—and yours, of course, too, dearest,” he added wisely at the cutting glance Mama threw his way. “I told him I would agree only to whatever my daughter wanted.” He paused, his expression softening on Ella. “What do you want, my dear? Do you want the marquess to court you or no?”

For a long moment, Ella could do nothing more than focus on remembering to breathe. She didn’t want to mislead Simon into thinking he had any chance at marriage with her. She simply couldn’t envision that life for herself.

Yet her parents both stared at her, waiting. How could she disappoint them?

“Oh—I almost forgot.” Papa reached beneath his waistcoat. “This arrived for you by messenger while the marquess was visiting.”

He held out a note card to her.

Ella frowned as she took it. It was small and plain, of inferior and thin stock, folded but not sealed.

I am not the man you deserve. I cannot see you again.

Spenser

She read it again, her numb mind unable to fathom the message. Short and precise—no flatteries, no charmingly sweet nothings…no poetry. But it was Spenser’s handwriting; she knew his masculine style by heart now and recognized his swooping strokes.

Her heart shattered. The pain was so intense she pressed her hand against her chest as if she could physically contain the anguish.

“Elenora,” her mother asked softly, “what is it? What’s the matter?”

Her eyes blurred as she looked up at her mother and father until she could no longer see their fraught expressions of concern for her.Thank God.She couldn’t have borne it.

“It’s nothing,” she lied, her voice hoarse from the effort of holding back tears. “Just news about…a canceled social event, that’s all.” She swallowed hard and forced a smile. “Just a disappointment. I was…very much looking forward to it.” She steeled herself against the sobs gathering inside her hollow chest and forced her smile not to waver. “Nothing for you to be concerned about.”

Her mother clearly didn’t believe her, yet she said nothing even as she laid her hand on Papa’s arm.

But Papa only chuckled. “Ah, youth! You young things think a canceled party is the end of the world. But there will be dozens of more parties to come yet this season and hundreds more the next. In a sennight, you’ll have forgotten all about it.”

“Yes,” Ella forced out. “I’m certain you’re right.”

Never.She’d go to her grave remembering this terrible moment and the loss of her love.

“Well?” Papa pressed.

Ella blinked, but that did little to clear the tears from her eyes. “Pardon?”

“The marquess! Mustn’t keep the man waiting for your answer. Will you ride out with him tomorrow?”

Ella crushed the note in her hand and nodded.

“Excellent.” He clapped his hands together. “I’ll send word immediately.”

As ever oblivious to the female heart, Papa paused only to snatch up another handful of biscuits before heading to the door.

But Mama wrapped her arms around Ella in a comforting hug. Yet despite that gesture, Ella knew her mother was thrilled to her core that she had agreed to let Simon Radcliff court her.

“As I said before,” Mama repeated as she lovingly brushed a stray curl from Ella’s forehead, “nothing more has to come of this than simply spending time with him. You will never be forced to marry a man you do not love.”

That was the problem. Ella knew she’d never love any other man but Spenser.

With a silent nod, although she had no idea exactly what she was agreeing to, Ella crossed to the fireplace and tossed the crumpled note into the small flames. They flared up and devoured it until nothing was left but ashes.

She returned to the chair, closed the book of poetry, and pushed it away.

Her heart was dead.