Page 36 of American Sweethearts

I nodded once, sat on the bench across from him, and handed him a bottle of water, since we were clearly going to have a heart-to-heart. “I did tell her, and she was happy about it.”

“Did you tell her you’re seeing a therapist because after you two broke up, you were a mess for months and you’ve been on a quest to be a better human forhersince then?”

I pursed my mouth and looked up at the rafters in the ceiling, very much not wanting to keep talking about this.

“Nope. Because she’ll think I’m just trying to earn points or something. And that’s not why I’m going to Dr. Badia. At least not anymore.”

Yariel cut his eyes at me like he’d been taking private lessons from Milo as he chugged water. After smacking his lips like an ass, he opened his mouth to ream me out again.

“So she’s supposed to guess? She wentthrough itwith you, for years. Gave you a thousand chances and she’s, what? Going to magically figure out you got your shit together this time? Also how do you expect her to trust you to hold it down for her with the job and be real with her when you’ve been hating on it forever?” He shrugged, but in his eyes I could see he was worried about me. “I mean, if I were her, I’d think that her struggles with her job were the best news ever for you.”

I really needed to get some friends that lied to my ass on occasion.

I sighed and got up again, ready to get on with the session. “I’d never be happy about her being miserable at her job.”

“Did youtell herthat?”

“Damn, Yari, chill.” I put my hands up, palms out. “I will. I mean true, in the past I would’ve just been happy to hear her wanting to do something else, but it’s not even that. Those workshops and shit that she does are mad good. You should see the shit she writes on her blog and talks about on her podcast.”

The last week, I’d pretty much scoured the internet for everything that Pris had ever written or recorded, and I was legit blown away. “I haven’t ever heard anyone mix social justice with sex and pop culture like that. Her shit is lit. She could probably write a book; she’s got so much to say.”

I stopped talking and noticed Yariel was rubbing his chin like he was scheming something. “What’s her website’s name?”

“Come As You Are.”

He laughed at that. “Dope. I’ll take a look, if I’m into it, I’ll tell my agent about it. This is the kind of shit she loves.”

I grinned at that and went in to give him dap. Yariel was working on a tell-all memoir about his experience as an openly gay Major League player and Dominican man, so he probably did know people that would be into Pris’s stuff.

“Bet,” I said clapping Yari’s hand hard. “Maybe if Pris can finally see that she has a real career option on her hands, she might feel differently about taking bolder steps to make it happen.”

Yariel stood up and grabbed his phone from his pocket and the goofy smile that showed up on his face told me that his boyfriend had sent him a message.

“He’s waiting for me at home.” The way Yariel said that made me ache. That’s how I felt whenever I knew that I’d get home to find Priscilla there or that she was on her way. It was how it had always been with her, and I was so close to getting that back. I could feel it. I just needed to grow a pair.

I clapped him on the shoulder and pointed at the massage table. “Let me work on your deltoids for a moment and then you can shower and go see your man. And thanks for the advice, brother. You gave me some homework.”

After I’d cleaned up the machines and was heading back to the center where I had some afternoon clients, I took my phone out as I walked to my truck. I typed out a message without giving myself too much time to back out of it.

You coming by tonight?

I was thirsty and at this point it made no sense denying it. I had to tell Pris the truth. All of it. How I felt about her and all the ways I knew I’d let her down. I hadn’t been the boyfriend she deserved, even at our best. I’d relied on her to do all the emotional heavy lifting. It wasn’t enough that now I knew better, I needed to tell her, too. I had to stop assuming she would just “see” how I’d changed. Part of changing was being able to say shit.

When the message bubble came up, I could feel a cheesy grin just like Yariel’s from earlier blooming on my own face.

Maybe. But FYI the offer of some wine and popcorn would sweeten the deal.

I tried to count to sixty before replying, but gave up after thirty.

Done.

chapter twenty-four

priscilla

“There’s been a lot of phone action and smiling in your life lately.” Bri’s amused tone told me he meant that I’d been mostly grinning like an idiot.

I shook my head as I typed a message to Juan Pablo. Because we were on multiple texts a day basis now.