Page 49 of The Wild Beneath

“It’s not really ringing. More like... everything’s too loud?”

“What happens when you wear those?”

“They muffle it.”

“Tinnitus doesn’t get better with earplugs.”

“I’m not imagining this.”

“I didn’t say you were.” Ruth lowers the otoscope and slides it back into its case. She picks lint off the Velcro closure beforespeaking again. “You’ve never been in the cabin this long in your life. Do you want to be on the boat after all?”

Ruth sounds as unsure about it as Annie is.

“No.” Annie squeezes the earplugs between her fingers. “Besides, someone should be here with you.”

“You think I’ll fade away while you’re gone?”

She does think that. “You’ll probably need a transfusion soon. Then what?”

“I’m fine, honey.”

Annie stares at the beige, flecked countertop until it blurs into sand dunes. She can’t bring herself to ask all the specifics, like what will they do when Ruth does need another one? Where will they go? Should they be planning for it? Instead she says, “Henry doesn’t need me out there.”

“Henry always says you’re a better skipper than he is. He can’t sail like you.” Ruth pulls the bucket onto the countertop.

Annie puts her earplugs down in front of her. “I can’t make myself go on a sailboat yet.”

“I get that.” Ruth dips her rag in the bucket and wrings it out. Then she stares at Annie, as if she’s trying to figure something out. “But you want to be with Walker, is that it?”

“No.” It sounds unconvincing. Annie rubs at a smudge on the counter with her thumb. “He loves sailing. You can tell.”

“He does seem to have a knack.” Ruth wipes the smudge away with her rag.

Annie crosses her arms on the counter and rests her head on them. “I tried to swim. I couldn’t even get in the water.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself.”

Annie speaks into the dark crooks of her elbows: “Do you think they’re dead?”

Ruth breathes in and out twice, then says quietly: “It’s possible.” The words drop like stones.

Annie closes her eyes. “Walker said they could be alive. That we can’t know.”

“It’s unfair for him to suggest that.” An edge rises in Ruth’s voice. “He has no idea what he’s talking about.”

“I’m worried I’m forgetting them already.”

Ruth softens. “All you need to do is look in the mirror. You’re just like your parents.”

Annie sits up and puts the earplugs back in. “Should I be afraid of that?” It’s out of her mouth before she can stop it. “Why did Mom never leave the boat?”

Ruth is quiet.

“They say she was crazy,” Annie says. “Maybe I’m crazy, too?”

“You’re not crazy.”

“I can’t stand being around other people. I hear too much and it’s all too loud. I feel like my brain is going to explode.”