Page 46 of A Stormy Season

Luke knew then that he had to protect his son from getting even more attached to Jane. She would be out of their lives in a few months.

If he was honest, it might be his own heart he was trying to protect. When he’d watched Jane holding his son, singing so softly and sweetly to him, it had broken something inside him, opening a hole in the wall he’d built to protect himself.

As he lay in bed that night, he felt a yearning, stronger than anything he’d felt since he’d married Anne, something he never imagined he’d feel so soon after her death. He found himself imagining what it would be like if he had married Jane instead of Anne, and what it would be like if he was married to Jane now.

Besides the fact that such thoughts seemed wrong, he knew he couldn’t marry again. He couldn’t allow himself to be in love again. It was too painful. And it was his responsibility to protect both himself and Jeffrey.

To Jane this pretend engagement might be a fun game, like chess or cards, but for him, there was too much at stake.

He couldn’t bear to lose again.

~ ~ ~

Jane avoided Luke and Jeffrey for the rest of the day, but she went to dinner and looked Luke in the eye, refusing to let him make her feel as if she’d done something wrong.

An air of tension hung over the dinner table, and poor Penelope, not knowing what was amiss, tried to carry the conversation by herself, even though she normally preferred to let others do most of the talking.

Jane did her best to behave as if nothing had changed. But when Luke went to bed immediately after dinner instead of sitting with her and Penelope in the drawing room, she knew he was avoiding her too.

When she and Penelope were alone, Penelope asked, “Did something happen between you and Luke? You seemed to be getting along very well, but tonight I sensed something was wrong.”

Jane couldn’t lie to Penelope, and she ended up telling her what Luke had said.

“I am sure he is only worried about Jeffrey. It shows that he is afraid . . .” Penelope stopped and pursed her lips.

“Afraid of what?”

“That he might fall in love with you, but you won’t fall in love with him.”

“Penelope, only you could think such a thing, in all your optimism. Obviously, Luke just doesn’t care for me and wants me to stay away from his son.”

“I disagree. You don’t know what it’s like to have a spouse break your heart over and over, Jane. It creates a fear inside you, fear of letting that happen again. I was so afraid that I refused Henry’s first proposal of marriage.”

“I know I don’t know what that is like, but in my opinion, his warning me away from his son shows that he has no intention of ever marrying me.” Jane folded her arms over her chest, something for which her mother always scolded her. But she was in no mood to care about looking ladylike.

“You should speak to him about it and tell him that whether you marry or not, you will not disappear from Jeffrey’s life as long as Jeffrey wishes to see you. If Luke knows you are committed to seeing Jeffrey—once every two weeks, for instance—then he might stop worrying about him.”

“I have no desire to speak with him about it,” Jane said. “I did nothing wrong and he has made it seem as if I was careless and insensitive, as if I tried to hurt Jeffrey, and I would never do that.”

“That is the very thing you should tell him.”

“No.” How could she? She would not crawl to Luke Watley and beg his permission to interact with his son. “Jeffrey is Luke’s son, and if he wishes me to keep my distance, then I shall keep my distance.”

Penelope sighed. “I understand, but . . .” She said nothing for a few moments, then went on. “The ball is tomorrow night and you and Luke will have to pretend that you are happily engaged. Will you be able to do that?”

“I can do it if he can.”

“If you remember, he proposed marriage to you. He would have married you, but you refused him.”

“Ifyouremember, he only proposed marriage to me to satisfy the gossips.”

“I am not saying you should have accepted him. I am only saying that you cannot accuse him of not wanting to marry you.”

“Perhaps he was willing, but he obviously doesn’t want to marry me now.”

“Jane.” Penelope’s voice was gentle, the look in her eyes so earnest.

“What?”