Page 21 of Down Comes the Night

“So you expect me to go obediently to the mines and wait like a dog for you to come back for me?”

“You don’t have any other choice. Just be—”

“I have been patient! I followed your orders this time, and look where it’s gotten me.” Wren drew in a deep, steadying breath. When she closed her eyes, all she could see was that scar on Una’s arm, the only evidence she needed to prove that this was a risk worth taking. “The queen doesn’t care about what happened to Byers and the others. War is coming. But if I leave now, I believe I can stop it.”

“Are you listening to yourself?” Una hissed. “You sound delusional. I know you’re grieving, but this—”

“Maybe I am delusional.” Wren canted her chin. “Do you trust me?”

There was an unspoken plea in that question:Choose me.

The ensuing silence carried the weight of her every anxiety.

Why had she even asked? Why put herself through the agony of demanding an answer? In every painful beat of her heart wasI love you, I love you, I love you.By now, Wren had hoped to be stronger, but she was shattering all over again. Una would never care for her the way Wren did for her. She would always choose her duty over Wren. No matter what, loyal soldiers like her delivered deserters to their queen.

“Just say what you came to say.” Wren squared up to Una, but with her height disadvantage, she only felt small and foolish. “It’s written all over your face.”

“You’re making a huge mistake.”

“So let me make it.”

“You’re acting like a child.” Una’s every word dripped with acid. “Go back to the abbey. Now.”

“You can’t give me orders anymore, Major. I’ve been reassigned.”

“You may not be under my command, but you’re in contempt of the queen’s orders.” Una was nose to nose with her now. “If you take one more step down this road, I will arrest you.”

The snowflakes seemed to hang suspended in the air, as if the whole world held its breath. Wren clutched the handle of her bag as if her grip could hold her together. “You’re not serious.”

“Of course I’m serious. If I have to choose between keeping you safe in jail or hunting you down as a criminal, I’ll make the same decision every time.” Una’s eyes shone, as hard and black as jet in the dark. “Why are you doing this?”

“This is my last resort.”

“No, it’s not. How can I make you understand that this isn’t an option at all? It’s a death sentence.”

So is going to the mines. So is losing you.

“If you ever cared about me, let me go and get out of my way.”

“No. If you do this—if you desert—the queen will send me after you.” Una was more undone than Wren had ever seen her. Her voice was raw, almost pleading. “That’s myjob.Do you think that’s going to be easy for me?”

Wren couldn’t do this. She couldn’t do this if Una was breaking because of her. But if she pushed her away, maybe it would make this cleaner, easier. Wren squeezed her eyes shut and gave voice to those old, insidious fears inside her.

If you slip up, if you’re not useful to her anymore, she’ll abandon you just like Isabel did.

She doesn’t love you because you’re a burden.

“Honestly?” Wren asked. “Yes. I bet it’ll be a relief for you.”

It might have been a trick of the light or Wren’s own helpless imagination. But for a moment, in her knee-high boots and black, war-decorated coat, Una looked less like a soldier in uniform and more like a child in costume. Then, like cooling steel, her expression hardened. “I see there’s no reasoning with you like this.”

No pleading, no appeal to her emotions, would move Una now. “Likewise.”

Una rested her hand on the pommel of her saber. The metal guard flashed, and in it, Wren saw the reflection of the white emptiness around them. Wren’s heart thrummed wildly with fear.

She’s actually going to fight me.

“Wait. You’re right. I haven’t thought this through enough.”