Page 60 of Wings of Starlight

He fell silent.

“You owe me nothing. If anything, I oweyou.” She took his hands in hers. “So forgive yourself. This would have happened one way or another. You and I were just the unlucky ones who had to fix what our predecessors couldn’t. For so long, you and I have wasted our energy trying to live up to them. But you are good enough on your own merits.”

Milori lifted his gaze to hers once more, and all the world grew as still as deepest winter. The snowfall seemed to slow to a halt; the wind ebbed to a bare whisper. The emotion glittering in his eyes knocked her breathless, and it occurred to her then just how close they were. Her breath misted in the narrow space between them.

“I hope you know the same is true for you.” Milori carefully tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His knuckles lightly traced her cheekbone as his hand fell away. “You will be an excellent queen.”

And although her heart soared to hear him say it, the reminder of her coronation made reality crash over her like a wave. It felt cruel, to meet him just before she would have to let him go. Gone would be her days of sneaking into Winter. Gone would be whatever this was between them. Because the moment that crown was placed upon her head, she would spend the rest of her life in the palace, her days taken up by meetings and hearings and ceremonies. She would become the cold star, high in her tower, looking down on all that she’d sworn to oversee from a distance.

As Clarion, she could care for him. But the Queen of Pixie Hollow could never truly be with him—or anyone else.

Milori clearly sensed the turn of her mood. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes.” She forced a smile. “I’m only cold.”

He did not look convinced, but he said, “Then let me get you back to Spring.”

Clarion kept her silence on the journey back to the border. He did not push her, even though she could feel his concern washing over her. It was only when she stood on the edge of the bridge that she whirled around to face him. She could not force both of them to languish without closure—not again. Besides, she had promised him that they would finish the conversation they’d begun.

“I have to confess,” she said, “that I lied. Everything is not all right.”

“Oh,” he said, in a tone that suggested he did not know whether he ought to feign surprise. “Can I ask what troubles you?”

She couldn’t decide if she should laugh or weep. How could she possibly answer that question? Now that they’d done what they set out to do, they had no reason to see each other anymore. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Is that all?” he asked. “You can come back tomorrow.”

“I can’t.” Frustration and longing both bubbled up within her. If only it were that simple. “My coronation is in just over a week, Milori. Our duties as rulers will keep us apart from one another.”

Her words landed like a sucker punch, sending him reeling. Milori shook his head, just barely. She could see he wanted to argue, but he only said, “I see.”

“I like you,” she continued breathlessly. “Far, far too much.”

“Then I don’t understand why—”

“It scares me.”How much I want you. How painful it would be to lose you. “I meant what I said. I don’t regret a thing. I am glad it happened, but it cannot happen again. Going forward, we should maintain a formal distance between us. Before it becomes too painful.”

As the seconds ticked by, the stricken look on his face softened gradually. He took a wary step closer to her, as if he were afraid of chasing her away. With his voice pitched low, he said, “I do not think I’ve been subtle about it, but I feel I should tell you that I like you, too.”

Clarion couldn’t help laughing, even through the threat of tears constricting her throat. She leaned her forehead against his shoulder, if only to hide how much his words had affected her. She supposed she had known for quite some time how he felt, but to hear him admit it aloud…It madethis—whatever it was—real: something she could lose. “Is that all you’ve taken away from what I’ve said?”

“I don’t believe our duties require that we stay away from one another. But I shall argue my point another time.” When she dared to glance up at him again, he averted his gaze. If she did not know better, she’d say he looked nervous. “I wanted to invite you to Winter’s coronation ball. It is to be held in your honor.”

The quiet vulnerability in his voice, hidden behind that veneer of courtly grace, took a hammer to her defenses. Must he always make things sodifficult? “Milori…”

“You can attend in an official capacity, of course, as our guest of honor,” he hastened to add. “Your subjects in Winter are very eager to meet you.”

She considered it. Good sense dictated that she should decline his invitation. It would be far simpler to make this a clean break—to not torture herself any further by being around him. But if she wanted to bridge the distance between Winter and the warm seasons, she would have to learn to endure it. With time, perhaps these feelings would fade to little more than a memory. In the meantime, she would have to practice.

Attending, of course, would pose a logistical challenge. But how difficult could it really be, to sneak away from her own coronation ball? Once she fulfilled her ceremonial duties and exchanged pleasantries with the right fairies, no one would notice if she slipped away for an hour or two. She would be back before anyone knew to miss her.

Clarion plucked at the sleeve of her coat. “I don’t have anything to wear to a Winter ball.”

Clearly, he knew he had already won, because a smile curled on his lips. “You are the queen. You can wear whatever you’d like.”

A terrible fondness bubbled up within her chest. “Then I suppose I’ll have to go.”

“You will?” As soon as his excitement sparked, he smoothed it over. “Everyone will be very happy to see you.”