Page 80 of All I Feel

How wasit possible to be so sure of something and feel such doubt at the same time?

For days now, I’d been asking myself that question over and over. And with each instance that led me to feel more doubt, I grew less and less confident about the state of things.

Feeling so unsure, I had no choice but to enlist the help of my sister. I would’ve talked to Lark, but I didn’t think I could share all that I needed to share with Ace’s sister, best friend or no.

So, I called Harper, told her I needed some advice, and begged her to meet me for lunch. Sensing my dismay—either through my pleading texts or endless voicemails—my sister picked me up just over ten minutes ago, and we’d since arrived at the deli.

When we walked inside, I immediately spotted Savanna.She waved at us as Harper said, “You sounded desperate, so I called reinforcements.”

I didn’t mind. It was probably better to have multiple opinions. And I trusted Savanna with everything. She and my sister had the same close relationship that I had with Lark.

“Hey, Savanna,” I greeted her with a hug. “Did you order anything?”

She gave me a squeeze in return. “No. I figured I’d wait until you two arrived.”

“Alright. Let’s order, because I’ve got a lot to say before I need to get back to work, and I’m desperate for some advice.”

Concern leaked onto the faces of both women, but they heeded my warning. Only after we’d gotten our sandwiches and were seated at the table Savanna had selected did anyone speak.

“Okay, Tessa, I can’t take it anymore,” Harper declared. “Please tell us what’s going on. What’s got you all worked up?”

I inhaled deeply, took in their expressions, and decided to just put it out there. “Nearly one week ago, Ace and I decided to stop pretending we’re only friends.”

Harper appeared absolutely delighted by the news; Savanna was surprised.

“I never knew you two were pretending,” Savanna said, her eyes darting between Harper and me. When her gaze settled on my sister, she asked, “Why don’t you seem surprised by this?”

Harper grinned. “I had a feeling this was on the horizon ever since the night Tessa shared the news about Ryan’sinfidelity with our mom and me.” As she lifted her sandwich to her mouth to take a bite, she asked, “What’s the crisis?”

I licked my lips and blurted, “I moved in with him on Sunday night.”

Savanna choked, and Harper gasped.“What?!”

There was so much to say, and I didn’t know where to start. So, I began shoveling the food into my mouth. I’d taken no less than five or six bites of my sandwich while my sister and Savanna looked on expectantly. Maybe I needed to start at the beginning.

“I guess I should tell you why I needed a ride here today,” I said.

Then I went on to tell them about the road rage incident I’d been involved in on Friday after work, how I’d called Ace after it happened, and how that was the night we’d decided to take things to the next level between us. How Ace and I spent the entire next day together, enjoying being in a new place in our relationship. That Lark and I had gone shopping the next day, only for me to come home to find my place smelling like sulfur. And finally, I revealed that Ace demanded I move in with him temporarily until he could be certain that my life wasn’t in danger because he suspected Ryan was behind all that was happening to me.

“Are you joking?” Savanna asked.

I shook my head. “No.”

Looking utterly horrified, Harper pressed, “Are the police going to do anything?”

“Ace contacted Cunningham Security on Monday afternoon. He didn’t share the details with me, only letting me know that he’d taken care of it.” I shifted my focus to Savanna. “I don’t even know if he talked to one of your uncles or your cousins. Only that it was being handled.”

“Okay. Okay. So, this is terrifying news. I can’t even believe any of this has happened. But something tells me that none of it is the reason you called me.”

“It’s not,” I confirmed.

“Tell us what’s wrong,” Harper said softly.

I nibbled on my lip, embarrassed to admit the truth. But I needed help. Advice. Anything to help me work through this, because I was convinced that I was losing my mind.

Time to rip off the bandage. Letting out a sigh of frustration, I shared, “I think Ace is turned off by my lack of experience.”

Both women blinked in surprise, but it was Savanna who asked, “What makes you say that?”