Page 136 of Lost

“Zoeybird? May I join you?”

“Sure, Grandma. Wanna sit out here with me for a little while?” I pointed to a couple of flat-topped rocks that didn’t look too wet.

“Yes, I would.”

We sat in companionable silence for a while. The night was beginning to turn from black to the predawn lightening that made me think of a dove’s feathers. The ridge was beautiful. I loved that it hadn’t been developed and basically looked like it had one hundred or more years ago.

Thank you, Nyx, for places like this that remind me of my connection to the land and to my ancestors who cared for it. Help me find strength through that connection for whatever comes tomorrow night. Help me do the right thing and to walk your path with integrity and kindness. Whatever happens, please comfort Stark and let him know that I do love him—so, so much.

“U-we-tsi-a-ge-ya,you seem very far away, and very troubled. Would it help to talk about it?”

“Well, it usually helps for me to talk to you, so yeah, I would like to. Grandma, I’m worried that Stark will always resent me for coming here. He thinks I’m here because of Heath.”

“Oh, because in your world Heath is dead.”

“Yeah. But that’s not the main reason I’m here. I tried to explain that to Stark before I left, but he didn’t believe me. I hurt him—I’m hurting him right now. And I hate it.”

“Yet you came anyway. Why?”

“To help Kev, of course. And, I dunno, Grandma—maybe also to say goodbye. But why would that take anything away from Stark? It doesn’t change how much I love him. I don’t think anything could ever change that.”

“Zoeybird, it is difficult to love anyone else properly or even fully if you do not truly know yourself. So, perhaps you should spend less time worrying about Stark, and more time looking within and learning what,or who, you truly want.”

“As usual, you make a lot of sense,” I said.

“I believe I just say aloud what you already know within your heart.”

“Thank you for always believing in me.” I slid my arm around her and we leaned into each other.

“It is a great gift to see you again, u-we-tsi-a-ge-ya. One I will eternally thank the Great Earth Mother for.”

“Well, Grandma, someday—hopefully not very soon, because Kev definitely needs you—you’ll be able to thank her in person. Nyx knows you well, whether she’s had a chance to tell you that in this world or not.”

“And that is another great gift I have been granted. Thank you, child. It will be very difficult for me to say goodbye to you again.”

I tightened my grip on her, holding her close. “Then don’t. Let’s just say, ‘See you later,’ instead.”

“That, my Zoeybird, sounds like a wonderful idea.”

Grandma and I sat there, arm in arm, watching the sky ready itself for the sun and talking about nothing and everything—and just before we went inside to find Anastasia I realized that my spirit wasn’t frantic or sad anymore. My spirit was calm and ready. Ready to do everything I could to help my brother defeat Neferet—andready to go home to my world, my House of Night, and my Stark.