Page 139 of Boudicca

I went to them and reached up, grasping their joined hands. “I will not allow a Roman to touch you. On that you have my oath.”But am I capable of killing my own daughters, my babies?Unbidden, their screams lifted from my memory and it felt as if my heart suddenly pumped only ice for blood.I must prevent them from being brutalized again, but kill them? With my own hand?

“None of those things can be allowed to happen.” Maldwyn took my shoulders in his hands and turned me from my girls to face him. “Listen to me. You must not be taken. Your children must not be taken. As long as you survive, hope survives.”

“Aye,” said Cadoc.

“Aye,” agreed Abertha.

“What must we do to save the bairns and Herself?” asked Briallen.

“We will give the Romans what they want—a battle against Queen Boudicca,” said Rhan as she strode to my chariot. “I must have your cloak and your helmet, my queen. For this one day I shall be you.”

“And in doing so you mean to allow our queen to escape,” said Cadoc. “But how?”

“Queen Boudicca knows,” said Rhan as she met my gaze.

“Annwn.” I whispered the word.

There was shouting behind us. “The Romans are breaking through our lines. They’ve followed you,” said Abertha.

“We have no more time!” Maldwyn unclasped the cloak from around my shoulders. I noticed his hands shook, but his voice and gaze were steady. “You must flee. Your helmet. Rhan needs your helmet.”

I understood. Rhan wanted me to go to the stream and escape through Annwn. The preparations she’d been making had been days and days of offerings so that my children and I would be allowed to slip into the realm of the gods and granted our lives.

“No! Briallen, Abertha, Cadoc—take the girls,” I said. I felt as if I would explode with fear and anger and desperation. “Rhan will show you the entrance to Annwn. Maldwyn and I will return to the battle. I will not leave my people to die alone.”

“You will not change their fate by dying with them!” shouted Rhan.

“And it will not only be your death. It will also be the death of our child.” As Maldwyn spoke, tears streaked his blood-spattered cheeks.

“You must come, Mama! You must!” Enfys stared at me with my mother’s eyes.

Ceri’s little-girl voice was steady. “Mama, if you come, we live. If you stay, we all die.” Then Andraste’s voice came from her mouth, echoing the words she’d spoken to me once before so long ago.“You must choose.”

Cadoc jumped from his chariot and strode to me, kneeling when he reached me. “Queen Boudicca,” he said formally, his head bowed. “As your shield it is my duty to advise and protect you. I advise you to follow the high Druid’s plan. And I shall protect your retreat with my life.”

Abertha leaped from her chariot and knelt beside my shield. She bowed her head, so that the newly dyed woad horsetail on her helmet swayed against her back. “You must live, my queen.”

Gently, Maldwyn took the helmet from my head. “As long as I draw breath, they will not get past me to you.”

“Aye, me as well!” Briallen added.

“No, no, no.” I shook my head. “You must all escape with me.”

“What we must do is distract the Romans,” said Rhan as Maldwyn fastened my cloak around her shoulders. She clasped my helmet under her arm, and my two lovers approached me.

“Queen Boudicca, I ask you to live so that hope lives,” said the high Druid.

And then Maldwyn’s words broke me. “Boudicca, my queen and my only love. I ask you to live so that part of me survives.”

As if responding to Maldwyn’s voice, the child within me moved.Could I sentence my unborn babe to death? Chills bloomed across my skin. No. I could not, just as I could not cut my daughters’ throats, even to keep them from being violated.

“One of you must accompany me,” I said.

“Briallen,” said Cadoc with no hesitation. “She should go with you and the girls.”

“Aye,” said Abertha. Maldwyn and Rhan nodded.

I took Rhan and Maldwyn in my arms. I wanted to speak, to say something these two people I loved so deeply would take with them as they faced their deaths, but my throat closed. I was afraid if I spoke, I would scream and scream and scream and never stop. The three of us clung to one another. I tried to imprint their scents, their touch, on my mind and my body. When I released them, I kissed one and then the other before I stared at each beloved face, memorizing... memorizing.