Page 33 of The Midwife By the Sea

She just hoped, as she walked along the coastal path toward the car park at Dagger’s Head the next morning, that she’d been right and that Danni would be the key to making that happen.

When Hope saw Danni in front of her, she almost turned on her heel and went back down the coastal path in the opposite direction. She desperately needed to speak to her, but she didn’t know what to say. Despite how much she’d liked this woman, who was technically her aunt, from the moment they’d first met, she suddenly felt incredibly awkward. Once Hope was standing in front of Danni, she knew she was going to have to say something, but even then she dropped her gaze to the floor. ‘Thank you for agreeing to talk to me, before you speak to Esther or Joe.’

‘Of course, you were right that we needed to do this.’ Danni’s tone was gentle. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Not really.’ Hope forced herself to look up. ‘I never meant for things to come out like this. I didn’t mean for them to come out at all. At least, I don’t think I did. I’ve been going backwards and forwards about it, ever since I overheard you and Esther talking in the toilets. Before that I was planning to talk to Joe, just to let him know I existed. Back then, I think even meeting him once would have been enough. The trouble is, now that I know him, I’m not sure that’s true any more.’

‘That’s a good thing.’ Danni smiled, but it didn’t lift the troubled look that was clouding her eyes. ‘When he finds out about you, once won’t be enough for him either, but the situation with Esther complicates everything.’

‘I know and she’s so lovely. I really don’t want to hurt her.’

‘Me neither, but I know Esther, and it would kill her if she discovered she was the reason Joe never got the chance to know his daughter.’ Danni took in a deep breath. ‘Before we talk about how to deal with all of this, I just need to know for certain that you’re sure Joe is your father. You said you had a picture?’

‘Yes, I’ve got it with me.’ Hope opened her bag and pulled out the strip of passport-style photographs Laura had given her when they met. ‘My biological mother gave me these. She and Joe took them in a photo booth in Port Tremellien. She was in Cornwall with her parents for a fortnight and she and Joe had a holiday romance. She said you guys were staying in Port Kara for the summer, but Joe had gone to the harbour in Port Agnes one day to go surfing and that’s when they met. They spent all their time together after that, and he took her out on the bus to Port Tremellien on the last day she was here. What neither of them could possibly have known, when they took those photos, was that she was already pregnant with me.’

Danni took the strip of photographs from Hope, her hand visibly shaking and her breath audibly catching as she looked at it. ‘That’s definitely Joe, and I remember Laura now too. I was fed up because I barely saw him during the time she was here. We’d come down to stay with an old friend of my father’s, when we were back from boarding school, because Mum didn’t have any clue what to do with us. Joe can’t have been more than about sixteen or seventeen.’

‘That’s right and Laura was sixteen too. I think I told you on the day we met, didn’t I, that she’d hidden her pregnancy from everyone else and that it only came to light when she gave birth to me in the toilets of the sixth-form common room?’ Hope sighed as Danni nodded. ‘I seem to have made a habit of experiencing life-changing moments in toilet blocks.’

‘It’s definitely an unusual entrance into the world.’ Danni smiled again, but there was still a crease between her eyebrows. She needed to hear the whole story. ‘Did Laura ever think about letting Joe know?’

‘I think she just wanted the adoption to go through as soon as possible and she was worried that contacting Joe might complicate things.’ Hope ran a hand through her chestnut-brown hair, a colour not dissimilar to Joe’s, albeit a shade or two lighter. ‘Later on, when she had another baby and saw how much that bond meant to her husband, she did try to track Joe down, feeling guilty that she’d kept my existence from him. Joseph Carter is a pretty common name, but he’d told her even back then that he wanted to be a psychiatrist. It was all she had to go on but it narrowed things down a lot. She tracked him down to a hospital in Australia, but she found out on his social media that he was in a serious relationship. She decided all it would do was cause him problems and she had no idea whether I’d ever want to see either of them anyway.’

‘That makes sense.’ Danni put her hands on her lower back, arching her spine. ‘Would you mind if we walked for a bit? I find standing still for too long a strain on my back.’

‘Of course not.’ Hope turned to face in the same direction as Danni, and they began to walk; the turquoise sea in front of them seeming to stretch into infinity. It really was a beautiful day, where almost anything seemed possible. She hoped so, because right now it still felt like the situation with Joe and Esther had no solution.

‘So was it Laura who told you where to find Joe when you met her?’

‘Not exactly. She gave me his details, and I tracked him down myself, because he’d moved back from Australia by then.’ She hesitated for a moment, wondering if what she was about to say would make her look like some kind of stalker. ‘I found out he was working at St Piran’s and I was planning to come and speak to him, when I saw the job advert for a midwifery role here. It just felt like it was meant to be.’

‘Maybe it was.’ Danni turned her head to look at Hope as they continued to make their way along the path. ‘I know you’re worried about telling Joe, because it could hurt Esther, but have you thought about what you want, and what kind of relationship you’d want with Joe if you do decide to tell him?’

‘That’s the trouble, I don’t know. One minute I want to tell him and the next I think it would be better left unsaid. I’ve had the chance to get to know what kind of man he is, which is all I wanted when I took the job here, but I don’t feel like I’m ready to close the door on the possibility of something more yet. With Laura, I think we both felt like we got the closure we needed. The door is open for us to have more contact in future, but I don’t think either of us have a burning need for it right now. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what Joe would want that I’m finding it hard to be any way near as pragmatic with him. Do you think he’d want to know?’

‘I’m absolutely certain of it.’ Danni’s voice was steady, but Hope could still hear the unspoken caveat hanging in the air. It looked like it was going to be up to her to voice it.

‘But he’d hate the idea of Esther getting hurt, wouldn’t he?’

Danni sighed so deeply it was like a breeze blowing off the ocean. ‘It would be the last thing he’d want.’

‘So do you think it would be wrong for me to tell him?’

For a moment Danni didn’t answer, but then she shook her head. ‘Esther loves Joe so much and she’d want him to have something that made him happy, even if it came at a cost to her.’ She stopped again then and clasped Hope’s hand. ‘And discovering that you were his daughter would make him happy. I’m sure of it, because it’s how I feel. Discovering I’ve got a niece I never knew existed is wonderful and, even though I love Esther so much, I’m really glad I found out. When I realised how worried I was that you wouldn’t be able to prove that Joe was your biological father, I knew how much I wanted him to be.’

‘Thank you.’ Tears choked in Hope’s throat, because she’d suddenly realised how glad she was that Danni had found out too and that she did want to tell Joe who she was. It was like trying out the technique that Louie had suggested to her, she could feel the right thing to do in the way her body reacted.

Danni hugged her, before pulling away again to look Hope in the eyes. ‘I promised Esther there’d be no more secrets, but this isn’t up to me and I won’t tell them if you don’t want me to. I’ve got no right.’

‘But if I wanted you to tell them, you would?’ Hope searched Danni’s face this time, willing her to nod. When she did, Hope’s whole body sagged with relief. Maybe it was a cop-out, but as Danni wrapped her arms around her again, she felt the same sense of coming home she usually only experienced when she was in Tenby with her family. She’d always thought she didn’t need or want a connection with anyone whose DNA she shared, as though that would somehow diminish the wonderful relationship she had with her parents and sisters. Yet standing here, on a clifftop close to where her biological parents had met, with the sun warm on her back, she knew that wasn’t true. She had more than enough space in her heart for these new people and all she could do was hope that Joe and Esther would feel the same way.

Danni had been acting like a cat on a hot tin roof ever since she’d arrived at Joe and Esther’s house, two days after the baby shower, seeming unable to settle and getting up to pace backwards and forwards across the kitchen like she was training for some kind of walkathon.

‘If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were already in labour.’ Esther narrowed her eyes for a moment. ‘You aren’t having pains or anything, are you? You would tell me if you were worried about anything?’

‘Of course I would.’ Danni’s response should have been reassuring, but there was something about her expression that told a different story.

‘There is something wrong, isn’t there?’ Esther got to her feet too and put a hand on Danni’s arm to stop her pacing.