Page 116 of Find My Way Down to You

I don’t answer him. Absently, my fingers twist around the blue-and-yellow bracelet on my wrist, yanking.

“You have made your entire existence about him,” Cary says. A fact so cold, my skin stings.

“Don’t pretend you know me.”

He laughs indignantly. “Oh, how could I not? You let his death stop your life. His wants destroyed your needs. You have been given time that so many are not. What have you done with it, August?Nothing.”

I surge toward him. Stand tall beneath his gilded glare.

“What do you know about loss, Cary? You’re a Deathless. You have power. You’re immortal.” Rage thunders in my every word. “You collect souls and leave behind the ashes. You’re clueless about what it’s like after you’re gone.”

“My role is to—”

“Fuck your role,” I seethe, eyes wet. I tug harder on the string around my wrist. “I didn’t ask for this. To constantly feel this pain. To never know how to be okay again. To look at you and—”

He waits silently.

But whatever words I have disappear. I look down. There’s a limp thread of blue and yellow in my hand, snapped where it was once tied around my wrist.

I broke London’s bracelet. Now it’s another part of him I won’t have anymore.

My eyes lift. “Of course I want to see him. Talk to him. But you’ll never understand why.”

His gaze runs over me. The gold recedes. All that’s left is something I can’t quite name.

Because I’ve never truly seen it on him.

“Yes, you are right. I was a fool.” He steps around me. “I have nothing but moments. In this realm and mine.”

I blink, clutching the bracelet.

His eyes turn glassy, somber. “I can never stay. Or belong.” He stills, holding his breath. On his next exhale, he says, “Who wants that? Who could ever love the ferrier of souls?”

My lips part. Nothing comes out. It doesn’t need to.

“No one,” he whispers.

The raw sadness on his face slams into me like a fist.

This is who he is. Why he keeps a distance. Never allows anyone in. But it’s no excuse to lie to me. To steal one of the only things I have left.

At the door, he commands, “Never look for me again, August Clarke. Do not return to Aides. Until it is your time.”

The door closes.

London’s bracelet slips from my fingers. I fall to my knees and try my best not to throw up.

“Order fifteen for Adib!”

I nudge sluggishly through Viva Catalina’s door. It’s slow inside. Customers here and there. The Sunday-evening dinner crowd hasn’t arrived yet.

I’m twenty-three minutes late, my previous record shattered. No one notices. Junie and Tonia are busy in the kitchen. Kennedy takes orders at a table of four. I don’t see Angela anywhere.

A clatter of metal catches my attention. Max stands behind the front counter, so surprised, she dropped a handful of silverware.

“What are you doing here?”

I hoist my drawstring bag higher on my shoulders. “What does it look like? I have a shift.”