Page 13 of Find My Way Down to You

“Goddess of the moon,” I say now, smiling in the dark while tossing her a pepperoni.

She sniffs, then eats it.

After, she climbs onto a pile of clothes I need to wash in a corner of the room. She turns away from me. Rules were established between us when she first arrived. We both prefer to be ignored by the world. Unless food is involved, in her case.

Within seconds, she’s asleep.

Hot adrenaline surges in my blood as my phone starts to vibrate. I’m afraid to look at the screen. What if it’s Detective Rosado? What if she found more information on Cary? Or worse, she’s decided Iama suspect in Hal’s death?

Instead, it’s a message from Max. A photo of her squeezed between a grinning Junie and Tonia. The image is poorly lit from whatever bar they managed to sneak Max into.

Miss you, it says underneath.

I search for words that are good enough to reply with. None come to me. I simply like the photo, then lock my phone.

Exhaustion weighs against my body. Quietly, I hope for nothingness rather than dreams and nightmares.

Every night is the same. Stardusted scenes of London’s warm face. Our first kiss. His hand in mine, then ripped away. The waking terror of the crash splintering my sleep like the windshield of London’s dad’s car after impact.

Next comes the shouting. I can never tell from who. The paramedics or the emergency room doctors or me.

But it always comes, constant and full.

I trace my fingers over the blue-and-yellow bracelet.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper to the threads.

My eyes grow heavy. I wonder if, instead of London, I’ll see Hal tonight. Dead in an alley. Or a boy with gold-flecked black eyes. With sharp features on a marble-smooth face and a cruel mouth.

I stare at the wall, counting my heartbeats. When sleep finally arrives, Cary is all I see dancing in the shadows.

The Before

“It’ll be fun!”

I hesitate. We’re at the entrance of a winding driveway. The sun is golden and fading. Warm light washes over London’s face, his green eyes, the depth of his smile. Noises shake me from my stare.

Even from here, the loud music is jarring.

Parties aren’t my favorite thing. Neither are unnecessarily large crowds. But London insisted we come.

“It’s our first high school party,” he said days ago, like he’d won a golden ticket. Unlocked a door that was previously hidden from us. But I don’t want to open it.

I don’t want to walk inside.

My eyes bounce from London’s grin to the sprawling ranch-style house at the end of the driveway. It belongs to theAckermans. Ryan, a senior, is hosting the party while his parents are out of town. His younger brother, Troy, has classes with London. He invited us.

Well, he invitedLondon. I don’t really know Troy. But Ryan is one of the assholes who called me Sideshow Bob in the hallway last September. The day Max saved me.

She’s not with us. I wish she was.

Nerves creep up my shoulders. My fingers twitch at my sides. London looks down and I stop, squeezing my hands into fists.

His smile lights up again. It loosens my chest. Something about being around him always makes me comfortable.

A couple of older girls pass us, giggling. One looks over her shoulder to stare at London. He doesn’t notice. His eyes are locked on me. Pride stirs in my stomach.

“Come on. It’s just a party,” he says. “Besides, it’ll be great practice. For college.”