Page 90 of Find My Way Down to You

London did everything to make tonight perfect. And I feelbad for wanting more from him. For wanting to just…go with my feelings.

“Sorry,” I whisper.

“No, it’s my fault. I should’ve told you about my plans. I was just—I wanted every minute of our first time to be perfect,” he says with a shyness that stings.

“It was, London.” I kiss his shoulder. “This is great!”

It’s everything I wanted, right?

Silence wedges between us. I watch him bite the inside of his cheek, thinking. Summer-streaked hair falls across his jaw. Pale light glosses his tanned chest. A fine dusting of dark hair starts from under his navel, dipping into his boxers.

He has changed, physically. But what else?

Finally, he beams. The face of the boy I love. “It was great.” He kisses my cheek, then turns back to his phone screen. “I’m glad we’re on the same page, August. And we can skip around the list. Wanna start with food and a movie?”

I nod. Ignore the small disappointment still churning in my belly. There will be other times to lie around in his bed—or mine—staring up at the ceiling, just existing.

There will be so many more moments between London and me.

13

Droplets of waterare still sliding down my bare shoulder as I walk to my room. The hot water didn’t last as long as I wanted. Max probably used it all when she came home from class. At least I had time to wash my hair.

A fluffy burgundy towel hangs over my head, covering my face. I need to dry and detangle my curls. And put on some real clothes, quickly. My shift at the pizzeria starts in an hour. I still have to make it to the bus stop.

Fortunately, I know this apartment like my favorite song. I don’t need to see to—

“Shit!”

My foot catches on something in the doorway to my bedroom. I yelp, stumbling forward. The mattress catches me before I sprain an ankle. I bounce, then flip over. Panic burns in my throat. What if I just kicked Diana?

Ripping the towel away, I sit up. Look around. Morning light burns bright in the room. Relief eases my pulse when I find Diana lounging, unharmed, on my pile of dirty clothes in the corner. Something else tripped me.

I see it. On the floor near the door. Wrinkled and navy and breath-stealing.

London’s UCSB hoodie.

Guilt hits me so hard, so mercilessly, I almost fall off my bed.

How could I forget so easily? I went to the underworld for a reason last night. Not dancing at a masquerade ball. Or kissing a boy against a garden wall.

I went to get more information out of the Deathless. Sweet-talk Aminta and Milos. Get closer to Cary…for London. He’s still somewhere in Aides and I was supposed to be focused on finding him.

How could I let one Deathless—one silly kiss change that?

Swearing, I hide my face in my hands. In my head, I count backward from ten. I swallow down a scream. I do every trick I can think of before a panic attack comes. Before I give up.

There’s still time, I try to remind myself. Even if I’m not sure that’s true.

After a few deep breaths, I refocus. I’m not going to let this eat at my insides, gnaw on my bones. All I need is a better plan. To get back to Aides.

I can’t let anything else get in the way.

“The next time I say I’m signing up for a History of Western Civilization course,” Max says, groaning dramatically, “throw me in the ocean. Burn all my cute cardigans. Hide every drop of caffeine in our apartment!”

I look up at the blue sky. “You could’ve majored in something else.”

“Like what?”