Page 42 of Something like Desire

I cringe. “Well, it was a feminine emergency, if you catch my drift.”

Mark shakes his head. “Nope. Not following.” Oh my god, how is he not following?

“Gia needed tampons,” I say, annoyed by his ignorance, even though I’m not even telling the truth. Maybe this will make him stop asking questions. “Things were about to get... messy.”

“Oh, okay.” Mark stands, completely unfazed. “I could have gone for her if she’d asked. Do you think she’ll be gone long? Should I start grilling lunch now?”

Who knows how long Gia will be. Could be an hour, could be ten. “Maybe wait until she gets back?” I suggest. “Sometimes she takes a while. To... uh... find the brand she likes.”

“Okay. I’ll be out back. Let me know when you two are ready.” Mark slides the patio door open and sits on one of the deck chairs, putting his feet up on a planter and his hands behind his head. He looks ready to wait patiently but probably not for as long as he needs to. If I know my sister, she’ll be a while.

An hour passes and Gia still isn’t answering her phone. Outside, Mark paces around and then slides the patio door back open. “Is Gia okay?” Mark asks. “I tried calling a few times. Maybe she’s feeling faint from an iron deficiency if it’s a heavy flow day?”

How refreshing that Gia’s found a partner who is so comfortable discussing menstruation. “I’m sure she’s okay. I’ll go check on her.” I stand and go out front, expecting Gia’s car to be gone, but it’s still there. Gia, however, is nowhere to be seen.

I cross the street, pretty sure I know where she is. And sure enough, Gia’s on the bench in front of her favorite beauty supply store, knees cradled against her chest. “I don’t think I can go through with it,” she says without looking at me as I approach.

I place my hand lightly on her knee. “Look, you can do whatever’s in your heart. That is exactly what Mom did and that’s exactly what I did. Sometimes the timing of stuff feels all wrong, but if you really think you don’t want to be with Mark, that’s up to you. Don’t let the pressure of the wedding make you feel like you have to go through with it if it’s really something you don’t want.”

“I just need to process everything,” Gia says. “I love Mark and I want to marry him. I just need to calm down.”

“I can call Mark and tell him we decided to run a few errands, and you can come to my place for as long as you need.”

“It’s okay,” Gia whispers. “I’ll be okay in a minute, I think.”

We sit for a while, watching cars drive by and people walking down the sidewalks on either side of the road. Customers come out of the beauty supply store holding little green bags with smiles on their faces. Gia’s shoulders start to relax. Ever since she was a little girl, I was always the one she came to when she was feeling overwhelmed, and I’m relieved that this is still how she acts when she’s coming to terms with everything.

Gia takes a long, deep breath. “I feel a little better now. I just kind of panicked.”

I wrap my arms around her and give her a long hug. “Mark’s a good guy. I don’t think you have anything to worry about with him. You’ve been looking forward to this day for a long time. Don’t let anyone else’s bullshit ruin that for you. You’re going to have a great wedding.”

Despite my words, and knowing how dramatic Gia sometimes is, I can definitely foresee some drama at the wedding. Maybe a confrontation, maybe some tears—but overall, Gia’s been agonizing over every little detail of this day, and in the end, I truly believe it will go well, despite any snags that may happen.

“I think I’m ready to go back now,” Gia says finally. She slips her hand in mine, and we stand and begin walking back to her house.

Mark’s at the table, a book in hand, when we get inside.

He looks up, pushing his reading glasses up on his nose, and studies Gia’s expression carefully. He glances at me and back at her. “That wasn’t about tampons, was it?”

Gia shoots me an annoyed look, then turns back to him. “No.”

Mark puts his book down and gives her an encouraging smile. “A little cold feet, maybe?”

Gia nods, staring down at the floor.

“It happens,” Mark says kindly. “It would be strange if youdidn’thave cold feet. The wedding’s a week away. I get it.” Gia rushes toward him and Mark takes her in his arms, boosting her up onto his lap. She rests her head on his shoulders and closes her eyes, and he murmurs something, running his hands across her back comfortingly.

I leave the room and nestle into the sofa in their living room, feeling like it’s an intimate moment that I don’t want to interrupt. My sister’s found a good one. Mark understands her, is there for her. He’s the partner she needs. Hopefully her cold feet are gone for good now.

NINETEEN

As I get in the car to leave Gia’s, Zach texts again, asking if I’d like to hang out tomorrow. My pulse quickens and tingles run along my skin as I read and reread his message. After agonizing over my response, I decide to erase all the exclamation marks after the “yes” I’ve typed.

Zach replies:

I’m thinking a walk maybe, lunch, and then we could hit this beach not many people know about

“Sounds good,” I write back, even though I want to say, “Can we go right now instead?” Now that we’re not stalking my parents, I miss seeing him, miss his winks, his whole laid-back vibe that feels almost contagious. But at the same time, I am tired with a capital T.